Pastelbat @pastelbat@awoo.space

Like, my knowledge of pop music is 4-5 years dated *at best*, 7-8 years at worst.

Movies I'm slightly more up to date with..! But I don't go to the cinema because Loud.

Memes kinda drift down to me when they're already Old & Established, and I have often have no clue where they came from.

As my freefall towards 30 reaches terminal velocity, I've deliberately avoided the "Ohh so olddd" type stuff, because it's a pointless brainweasel, and I've had enough time to ingest people from 23-28 doing that and realise the intense-eye-rolling nature of the whole thing is cyclical-

But I've ended up with kinda adjacent phenomena from being off of mainstream social media for a few years..?

I think all that stuff's why I've always felt way more "Ughhhh tablet drawing do I have to?" even with a screened tablet, even after years of using them

Because of the increased onus in digital art to.. Idk, look not-sketchy, combining with a more slippery surface making all my motor coordination stuff worse

Reblogging because huge monster arms that fold into an elegant dress is just such a good aesthetic

Like.. I'm good at the sketchy stuff. I can paint, do light, volumes, stuff. But.. Linework, always takes 4x as long as all that for like, 1/4 the result.

And that's.. Obviously tied in with my Dyspraxia. Not everyone's, but.. How mine presents? I absolutely struggle with that kinda motor coordination, and.. Struggling against it, making drawing something I loathe doing for a step that takes longer than the rest combined, just to make it "look good", where "good" means "like everyone else's", pushes me away from doing it at all.

And I kinda internalised all that.. "It's just practice, it's just engaging your shoulder, it's just [other 101 stuff]." And I wanted to make art with crisp, clean lines, when the way I've always drawn has never had crisp, clean lines. It's always.. A democracy of lines, sculpting the line I want from little steps, not this sweeping single motion.

And.. Idk. Spending years getting told that's just a Beginner's Habit, that it's something some people do, but you grow out of as you Develop.. Always made that feel like, 'unworthy' as a way of doing it. Like my art wasn't complete, that it wasn't.. Really making any progress.

But.. Now I consciously reflect on it, I have no time for that. Not being able to make art in the styles I admire is a shame.. But not being able to make it at all is worse- I spend very limited time/energy/pain-threshold resources on fighting how my body does things, and burning myself out doing it other people's way. And I end up hating doing art as a result.

There's no Good Technique in that, nomatter what your shoulder's doing.

Brain: "Ooh, there's a Twine gamejam!"
Me: "But.. We're already workin on a Unity project.."
Brain: "Ehh.. You only just started it. And I mean you could absolutely do it in Twine ASCII."
Me: "It's.. Isometric tactics."
Brain: "That's like, one step of difficulty up from the top-down ASCII graphical interfaces you've done before in Twine. Like.. One step at most. You got this."

I like that my brain believes in me so much..? o.o

gnight folks

I hope you all realise that whenever you make a Losing My Religion joke I get that jingly guitar riff stuck in my head

Seriously how do you make a guitar that jingly without just replacing your pickups with electromagnetic sleigh-bells-

*searches online*

Oh.. It was a Mandolin all along.

Huh.

(Jingle jingle)