Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

@Leucrotta That would be the perfect name for a Freegan restaurant...

Seriously. I've ranted about this before in the context of the film "1408." How come all the incomprehensible extradimensional phenomena are always weirdly hostile to humans? How come the side effects of an encounter with the inexplicable are always not just unpleasant, but *personal* somehow?

In fact, never mind horror. That was half the point of the Saturnians: humans are so full of nicely exploitable pleasure centers that hook right into their behavioral routines. And humans tend to _resent_ pain, so torturing them into doing your will is just asking some Buffy or Jamie Lee type to come fuck your shit up.

No, extradimensional reavers. Learn the wisdom of Rock and Rule's "villain" Mok. Break out the Edison spheres, turn the Final Girl into a useful musical instrument, and make your prey happy, goofy, and useless.

Bird Box, except the invisible monsters are all canine "demons" who fill their victims with the urge to derp, drool, and bark uncontrollably.

First you hear panting all around you, and then your whole world is just MOIST, and you hear ethereal voices around you saying "sit" and "fetch."

You don't really have to worry too much about keeping survivors at bay, though, because a sharp glare and a "NO!" is enough to get them to stop trying to convert you. Also, the demons can be driven miles away just by staring excitedly at the horizon and asking aloud: "Cookie?"

Civilization still collapses. It's just nicer.

"Kohler’s Numi 2.0 Intelligent Toilet is one of those strange products that draws so heavily on buzzwords and tech trends that it’s indistinguishable from parody. In a press release, Kohler promises that customers will enjoy a 'fully-immersive experience' thanks to the many..."

I stopped reading there. I was laughing too hard. I don't think a "fully immersive experience" is something I really want in this context.

@001zlnv This is one of the prominent reasons I'm gonna miss Seattle after I move to New Orleans. I liked being able to trust tap water. >_<

@zx3 "Je suis Marxiste, tendance Groucho..."

(Also, for those of you who have heard the accomplishments of my stuffed lion Dr. Marid... FYI, SCP-2295 is canonically the founder of Médecins Sans Squelettes. ^__^ )

Plush culture hero:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDVRLNFt4z0 (cw: health issues, implied death(?), fantasy surgery)

#SCP #GoodestBear

listen i'm meeting you fuckers halfway here

you can not possibly expect me to climb _all_ the way out of bed​ unassisted 😾​​

#she_chonk
#she_fights
#she_bites
#butmostimportantly
#she_nap_all_nites

@emanate Hip-hip-hip hooray!

( Fig. 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFNO2sSW-mU )

It never dawned on me how much the lyrics of "The Seeker" by the Who reflects my self-image, and not in a particularly good way.

I spent most of my life driven by a vision of something otherworldly, and except for this cool dragon I picked up along the way, most of it feels like it just led to a lot of noise and mutual heartache.

I dunno. I'm mostly okay today. I don't even know where I'm going with this. It just came up randomly on Peg's playlist and I peeked at the lyrics out of curiosity.

I love y'all, but I'm kinda glad I'm drifting away from all this. I'm not sure, in my case, it was all predicated on something good.

Hey kids! Want to recreate all the fun of Wham City's "Unedited Footage of a Bear" in your own home? Sure ya do.

Just play this song under any pharmaceutical commercial! It's worked 100% of the time for me so far. Pharmaceutical commercials are fucking CREEPY.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rnJKutkNCI

#Claridryl

or just you know bite them 🐯​

This is your daily reminder that Albert Einstein, Helen Keller, Mark Twain, and George Orwell were all socialists. Rub this fact in conservatives' faces *every* *single* *time* they try to paint all socialists as Evil Stalinists or gullible fools.

roses are red
tigers are orange
well fuck

mooncats are blue
martians are red
memes have a lifespan
and this one's quite dead

rawr

*rolls around, feets up*

*chews friendly-like on people's shoes, arms, heads, etc.*

@Leucrotta Neat!

@Leucrotta You know, that's a REALLY good point. I think the last 20 years of American politics have taught us something: when the Robot Uprising comes, it'll be because we treated robots _exactly_ like we do humans. >_<

@001zlnv @anthracite *looks nervously at Anthracite for some reason...*