Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

@JulieSqveakaroo Oh FUCK I'm so sorry, that's the last damn thing you needed. *hughughug*

#moodsnapshot #oldmeme

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsveiPJcxlE

(Back in NOLA and so fucking glad.)

@kelseyhusky yeah, sympathies there. *hug*

@001zlnv @Phorm Exactly. I'm just fine, at this point, with being the one other people climb over to get outta the pit. It's a damn sight better than giving up so *nobody* gets out.

And you get the satisfaction of knowing that the first kid who makes it back to the surface will probably start by finding a big sharp stick, finding the bastard who threw us in, and impaling 'em with it—ideally, with an ode to us on their lips.

@Phorm This is how I've dealt with it, but I'm not sure how reproducible it is:

1) see dead father on a hospital slab at age 11

2) go through a seven-year religious phase that ends with realizing there's nobody behind the wheel at all

3) read Camus at 16; think far, far, far too much about it

4) develop an all-pervading anxiety disorder that's got you convinced at age N that you're surely be dead by N+5

5) treat every single day of your life like an unexpected bonus round, with zero grand long-term plans and zero expectations

6) read a lot about and learn to admire raccoons, who somehow manage to scrabble obsessively at their desires despite the likelihood that they'll spend most of their lives with parasites and die in a trash compactor somewhere

7) pile up so many instances of having your heart broken and your pleasures suddenly yanked tantalus-like away from you that you finally convince yourself another one will come along someday, but not to get too attached to it, because it'll perish just like the rest and that's actually kind of fine

8) get a good creative partner and focus on at least leaving some damn thing behind

Kids, don't try this at home. I am a professional nihilist.

I find this post particularly amusing given one of my STEM nerd* ex-roommates from Boston once argued, quite vehemently, that there were only 4-5 human emotions and he could "prove" it.

https://www.metafilter.com/182285/admiration-adoration-aesthetic-appreciation-amusement-anger

No, jerkass, YOU only had 4-5 emotions. :p

(*There's nothing at all wrong with being a STEM nerd. There was plenty wrong with being THAT kind of STEM nerd...)

Answer to Last Related Boost:

With a blank white Tarot card?! Hmmm. I guess I'd either ship it with the Total Perspective Vortex or God from Futurama, the one that Bender met while he was drifting through space.

*shrug*

Had a really vivid dream where it was my last year of college, and I was sweating the realization that I was about to graduate with a useless degree—heh, stolen right outta today's headlines.

I had a roommate, and I had left a box on her bed when she first moved in and for some reason never moved it, assuming it would be safe there. Inside were 5-6 tabs of LSD, and I spent most of the dream awkwardly rooting through her stuff after it disappeared—just the stuff that looked like it might have been my box—trying to find them, debating whether I should just TELL her.

I finally found them, after she had moved out without telling me. First I fretted that I'd done something horribly wrong. And I took two of the tabs, hoping to go out and find some old friends and actually have FUN for once in my last year before I hit "the real world." (Heh.)

And then I saw her in the hallway. Not the roommate. She was long gone. Jessie. I looked at her with the saddest, most contrite and hopeful face and said "Hey. How you doing?" And she just said "fine" and proceded to give me the Cut Supreme. Just walked away. And then I woke up.

This is never gonna heal, is it. I knew my classic ADD panic-kitty neurotype wasn't a great match for Kristy's head-butty autistic one, but... I had no idea it was gonna cost me my sisters or fuck us all up forever. I genuinely _hope_ it didn't fuck them up half this bad. I don't even know. I don't really hear things from their world anymore. That's probably for the best.

Anyhow, I head back to New Orleans today, aka Miss Anthracite's Home For Intolerable Tigers. It's a good place. There's plenty of sun, and a warm lizard who likes being petted and actually has the damn sense to change the subject when I'm upset instead of provoking a three-hour debate with references and footnotes. There's a lot that I miss about the Seattle wilds, but... damn if she ain't right that it's safer down here for a bitey catbeast.

(Epilogue: There was one good thing to come out of the dream. My solution to all my college woes was "Huh. You could always take some Chinese language classes after you get out. Real ones, where they actually act like you paid them, not this Case Western shit. There's gonna be plenty of work for translators." That's... not a terrible idea.)

@Austin_Dern Oh, it's a fascinating story. It's just that, like so many great adventures, it's not something where you really wanna be anybody but the main protagonist, with all the plot armor that implies.

@SangriaSnake Oh my god, I hate that. I've had a lot of friends who thought somehow minimizing my problems would make them go away. Stuff like responding to my fatigue issues—which used to be so bad I couldn't get through a full workday without a two-hour nap—with "oh, everbody gets tired at work." I think they *meant* well, but... that stuff NEVER helps. I sympathize a lot!

Sometimes life just fucking sucks and all we're really looking for is someone to say "You're not crazy—that sounds like that fucking SUCKS."

@anthracite I didn't mean real-real, silly. I mean... like... I grew up in Mayberry RFD and you grew up in that monster city from Tekkonkinkreet. ;p <3

@hystericempress next goal: be as proud of yourself as I am

*KAMINA PUNCH* <3

@anthracite you still look just like her fwiw, but i think they do it all in CG these days *nod*

@hystericempress Nothing controversial, she says, yet she didn't even mention whether it's okra or filé.

WHAT ARE YOU HIDING

@anthracite Whoa, so you saw your ACTRESS raising funds to keep you on the air? That had to be fucking CREEPY. I'm almost glad I didn't live in a real city now...

On the other hand, you've been running for like over four decades so your actress must be charming as fuck. Or there's some tiger in the audience pledging half the Martian treasury every year. <3

@anthracite Yeah, but he KNOWS and he's outright ASKING us—and his doctors—not to lie to him.

I just came right out and told him life's not fucking fair and I'm just extremely pissed on his behalf. I think he was grateful, honestly.

@anthracite Right? I get the impression your folks were native to a much more sophisticated sitcom than my family's, though.

Probably ran on PBS, ffs. Do you have any childhood memories of being interrupted by pledge drives? :D

Say what you want about my mom having the incredibly poor luck ('cause I'm pretty sure it's just a coincidence) of putting on the season of Fargo with the cancer subplot.

This quote from the police chief is spot-on. This is exactly how we're treating my poor stepbrother. And it makes me so mad.

If they see any of the irony or how close to home it hits, they're not showing it. They're real good at shutting this stuff down—I dunno, maybe it's a Midwesterner thing—and I kinda envy them for it.

"So... There's a look a boy gets when he's been shot or a - or a land mine takes off his legs, and he's laying there in the mud, trying to get up, 'cause he doesn't feel it yet."

"His - his brain hasn't caught up with the reality, which is... he's already dead. But we see it, the rest of us."

"And we lie. We say, 'Lay still. You're gonna be fine.' If you'd been to war, you'd know the look."

We're watching Fargo Season 2 (god, do I wish mom HADN'T picked the one with the cancer subplot >_< ). Stepdad is now making up glorious lies about every character on screen, and is now deadpan insisting they had to cast 40 different actresses as Peggy Blumquist because as soon as they heard they had to screen-kiss Jesse Plemons, they quit.

I love these assholes. <3