Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

@JulieSqveakaroo Ooh, thanks roo, looks right up my alley!

If you mark your Game Of Thrones, Middle Earth, Fallout, or yes, even your goddamn My Little Pony Civ mod in the Steam Workshop as "Historical," there is a special place for you in strat gamer hell.

It's a 19-hex desert with no oases, rivers, or resources, with Attila, Shaka, and Montezuma as your neighbors. And you will be playing for eternity as my own special homebrew civ: Lilliput.

Good luck, you elf-lovin' piece of shit.

lvl374

submitted without commentary

https://lvl374.tumblr.com/ [mostly SFW, some violence/bloodshed]

Ironically, Pablo Picasso and Gertrude Stein were both HUGE assholes. But it's still a pretty good playlist if I do say so myself.

Have some more Old Person Music.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLWiaTQ91EE2FcEVBPweWRuNxtY3R13fol

@001zlnv Itchy and Scratchyland, or are we talking about, like Season 276 "gone totally off the rails" Simpsons?

Jehovah is Lucifer's unindicted co-conspirator.

CURRENT TIGER + GIN COUNT:
BLEVENTEEN

CURRENT TIGER CURRY SPICE LEVEL COUNT:
BLEVENTEEN

ENDORPHINS EQUALS VERY YES

ADJUST YOUR ORBITAL DEFENSES ACCORDINGLY WE GET A BIT BITEY

THIS BULLETIN IS IN COMPLIANCE WITH THE 2369 DEIMOS OW OW OW MY HEAD TREATY

@Leucrotta Take comfort that no matter how bad things look, you don't taste like menthol and camphor. *hug*

Oh god. Peg found the deliberately awful Candy Orca Dragon we made, based on the Disgusting English Candy Drill from Gravity's Rainbow (http://bella.media.mit.edu/people/foner/Fun/gravity.html)

I'm sorry, Rowntree. In a kinder world, you would never have had to exist. Blame the Brits.

I'm so glad to finally have an answer to my question, "Is Incredibles 2 as full of kneejerk libertarian fuckwittery as the first one?"

It's a good film otherwise and the ideology's nothing I can't just put a little fence around (thanks for the idea, Catbug!) but... god, I find the protagonists so grating.

If not for the fondness for collateral damage against civilians, I'd be so close to cheering for Screenslaver, especially since I already know all the spoilers. -_-

@Austin_Dern It is, but the mechanics don't really *do* much with it. There was no in-game reward for donating a city (which you can do in the diplomacy screen), just a sense of smug satisfaction. ^_^

@hummingrain I used to be an avowed self-defense-only pacifist in Civ.

I find I like this much better. *cracks knuckles*

I just brought my most morally satisfying ever game of Civ V to a close.

It's been going for three days. Saturday, I was best buds with Alexander. We laughed, we traded, we drank retsina, we backstabbed the French together... You know, imperial bro stuff.

All I wanted was Troyes. Napoleon had settled it WAY into our historic territory and I was a little sore about it a thousand years later. When Al came to me, I really though we were just gonna rough Napo up a little, peel off a couple of his cities, and bring him down a peg.

Nope. It quickly became clear that my old friend was going to fight a war of unbridled conquest. I pondered letting him do it and just taking him out later, for old time's sake. War is war. But then I turned around and Paris was on fire. He was razing it to the ground and exterminating its citizens.

That was a bridge too far. I made a pact with Napoleon and Al's previous victim Ashurbanipal (who, like Napo, had been a right good sport about the whole thing) and immediately declared war.

By 1880... no more Greek bullies. We kept his cities, remanded all of Ashi and Napo's territory back to them, and even rebuilt Paris and handed it over to its rightful owner—better than ever, with 3000 gold worth of shiny new Babylonian technology.

Then we dismantled our entire army except for basic garrisons, swore a defensive pact with the French and Assyrians, rebuilt our trade lanes with a less genocidal partner, and looked towards the stars.

Felt good, man. Especially after this last fuckin' week.

Today I learned that a pimp plus a dick is a bumfit, and a dick plus a dick is a figgot. (At least in Lincolnshire.)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yan_Tan_Tethera

I'm gonna have the macaroni and cheese tonight. Like, all of it. Yours too. There will be no more macaroni, or cheese. Not unless there turns out to be more macaroni than cheese or vice versa. 🐯​

@Oneironott *giggle* I was sitting here debating whether to point that out. :D

The only update anyone really needs about this ongoing mess:

The tiger is going outside for a really long walk with the dragon and maybe a nap in the sun. It will be adorable. I highly recommend doing something similar. (Unless you're in Australia or something and will probably freeze your ass off.) 🐯​

@Leucrotta YOU TEMPT ME, OH YOU TEMPT ME.

In fact, I think Mars is gonna start figuring out how to build orbital defenses. (Hey! Hey, @acetone_kitten! I know we don't talk much anymore, but can you get the Lunarians to build us some orbital defenses?)

#MarsOnlyGotOneTrickAndThatsLookingCuteAndHelpless

Laissez les mauvais temps rouler.

Heh. Eh-heh. OK, never mind. The "other side" just said something so pants-on-head crazy and irresponsible that if this really were a detective story, the Big Bad would have just shot himself midway through my Existentialist Film Noir Hero narration.

No, fuck those guys. For now I am satisfied to just chuck this all into The Vault. And my apologies once again to everyone who is in the dark about all this. Believe me, unless it comes looking for you, you don't want to go looking for it.