Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

I knew the "Gurpgork" joke from Archer (where an insane Central Asian dictator changed everything from the name for "Tuesday" to the words for "dog," "bread," and "snake" to "gurpgork") had some basis in reality.

I had no idea JUST HOW LITTLE THEY HAD TO CHANGE THE FACTS.

CW: for scary uspol adjacency. I'll bet one quantum hop over from this universe, today is the 9th of Ivanka, 3 A.T., the 79th element is "Trumpium," and a well-done steak with ketchup costs 100 Trumps. 😱​

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saparmurat_Niyazov

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruhnama

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Renaming_of_Turkmen_months_and_days_of_week,_2002

@Aradia Obligatory Scriptural Link: http://www.plaintivewail.com/pw/june00/6_28_00.html

@Austin_Dern @001zlnv This all reminds me that I should get back to work on my Trash Panda Hospital card game. =(^)_(^)=

@hummingrain If it's any consolation, the first time I lived in Seattle (circa '99) and had a temp job as an Encarta proofreader, I DROVE TO MICROSOFT on autopilot one Saturday morning.

For years I had to fight the urge to answer phones with the name of the transcription company I used to work for, too...

@001zlnv Huh. Looks like that leads directly to Katamari tech. I'm in! ​

Super bitey today, tbh. Turned down three perfectly lovely invitations to fight on other social media—and accepted one.

It was of those types who was determined no problematic kink should exist on the Internet except his own, and needed to tell it to all of FA VERY LOUDLY, with great fanfare about how he'd probably get banned for his Very Brave Stance. Can't feel too bad about that one, honestly. His symptoms should start up in about 3–5 days. ​

Anyhow, the moment raccoons hit Nuclear Fission on the tech tree*, y'all Earth critters are fucked. I'll try to give you all a couple of day's warning. After that, it's all up to the Illudium modulators. =(^).(^)=

*(It's an actual tree! It's super neat. Kinda dangerous, but neat!)

#KABOOM

@Sig *looks up mämmi*

Okay, you may have won a concession here. That looks really good, actually. I would never have thought of rye and orange pudding on my own, but...

@Sig Freak. :D <3

Nah, I'm just taking the piss here! Any country that eats that much fish can't be all bad. ​

I might even be one of those rare people who is actually fit to eat surstromming—it can't be THAT much worse than Marmite, right? And I eat that stuff with a spoon. Absolutely love fermented foods in general.

Though I do absolutely loathe mayonnaise which I get the impression might be a bit of a dealbreaker...

@hummingrain Nope! I got it from https://twitter.com/winter_snowfox! ^_^

"dammit i thought we sprayed for those guys" -- Rezeya Montecore-St-Hobbes, Empress* of Mars

*disputed

And don't you even think about trying to defend Scandinavian cuisine. Don't you even think about it.

Listen, I'm just sayin'. But anybody who willingly goes to a NINE-DAY FEAST in SCANDINAVIA is either too naive to last long in this world anyhow, or has such an unnaturally bland palate that death is something they'd probably fail to notice—even enjoy. Once you've eaten nothing but turfisk, blodpalt, and smörgåstårta for a week and a half, euthanasia is probably gonna sound like a pretty sensible path.

I mean, I'm Italian. I used to spend a lot of time in the North End of Boston during festival season. We got all kinds feast days. Practically every day of the week. And I never once saw a pig trotter or a piece of fair food that was >50% mayonnaise. They had better options if they wanted a nine-day feast, is all I'm trying to get across here.

"You know what, Schadenfreude? I like you. You're not like the other drones, here in the changeling hive."

"Oh, don't get me wrong, Schadi, they're fine insects, they're good minions. But they're content to buzz around, maybe disguise themselves as a pegasus, drain all the life out of a kitten. They're good, fine ponybugs, Schadi. But they don't know... WHAT TWILIGHT SPARKLE IS DOING TO OUR CHITIN."

"You know that Ocellus kid, the kid that goes to school in Canterlot? She's one o' them new changelings. Some of the neighbors say she drinks acrylic paint, but I don't believe it!"

"Anyway, for her tenth birthday, all she wanted was friendship. Kept bugging me for it. 'Mom, get me a friend. I'll never deign to speak in your presence again as long as I live.' So I break down and I kidnap her a pony."

"Anyhow, the other night I go down into the hive and there's this Ocellus kid, playing with the pony. I said, 'What are you doing!?' She said, 'I'm learning about friendship!' I said, 'Thumpin' Thorax on a pogo stick, everybody knows friendship is something you suck out of a pony with a straw!' Now Schadi, do you think a kid like that is gonna know WHAT TWILIGHT SPARKLE IS DOING TO OUR CHITIN?!"

(Apologies to Rodney Anonymous and Joe Jack Talcum...)

@LexYeen@snouts.online I REALLY liked the way Sarah started hedging her bets and admitting concepts like "this works" have some wiggle room right from the outset.

The MPD episode will be interesting for me because two of my four long-term partners have shown major signs of it and I REALLY believe strongly that it actually exists...

@LexYeen@snouts.online Oh, you GOTTA link this one, I'm in a kook-watching mood today. =(n).(n)=

Huh. My favorite album, full stop, finally showed up on Youtube. Here ya go, an hour and a half of Shibuya-kei. Favorite track is at 47:19.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_aBQ16sWrLw

@JulieSqveakaroo DON'T ENCOURAGE HER

@hystericempress I mean, we all knew this was gonna happen after I moved away. *hug* I still have EVERY intention of coming up and seeing everybody—I just realized I was in way too skittish a financial and social situation to do it without it bein' more anxiety than it was worth!

"No, Peggy. Jelly is not a vegetable. You can not put jelly on your sandwich and call it a vegetable. Not even if it's pepper jelly."

#WhatDoDragonsEat
#PuttingVegetablesInDragons

@Leucrotta Holy fuck.