Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

@hystericempress Also, that... what the fuck is that, a Birbsite monster?!... at the top of their timeline is just grotesque strawmannery and is plenty on its own to get me to hate them. >_<

@hystericempress Hrmm. On one hand, I'm fighting urge to play devil's advocate 'cause just discreetly following someone around for kicks because they have a hilariously odd personality sounds like the shit I'd do. On the other, it sounds like they've got a history that could put this in a REAL BAD context. And I'm choking down a RAGEDUMP for people trying to call Dai out in that Twitter thread for--gasp, fetch the fainting couch, having some kinks. That's NOT THE FUCKING ISSUE, here, people.

@hystericempress I... I have not words. :O Especially about how people can double-down on supporting them.

@hystericempress Oh noooooo. I have to know, what did they do this time?

@Balina We had been joking for months, to console ourselves, that he would return someday with a little Finn The Human hat and a sword in his mouth, having returned from some great adventure...

Well, he made it all of 150 feet and found BEEF LIVER PARADISE instead so he actually exceeded all our expectations. I'm so proud of our boy. :D

@catoxis@snouts.online OK that's severely tempting...

The only remaining point of displeasure about this whole Umbra thing:

I WILL NOT BE UPSTAGED AS A FOOD LADY BY SOME RANDO, I don't care if she saved Umbra's life!

She's serving him pate. I will not be outdone. TELL ME WHAT IS THE FANCIEST CATFOOD, because I will make it and my boy Shemp will have it!

Maybe cooked salmon with some blueberry puree and a little whole-grain couscous? (I checked a couple sites for cat-safe human foods!) I mean, I'll split it with the three of 'em, doesn't sound half bad.

But I'll still take recommendations for the fanciest treats out there! Money is no object. WITH SAINT HOBBES AS MY WITNESS I WILL NOT BE OUTSPOILED

@Phorm He looked so big and strong and he's apparently still just the sweetest boy and I'm so proud of him. ;__;

UMBRA.

HE LIVES.

😻​😻​😻​😻​😻​

Remember the little black kitten from next door who we took indoors when it got chilly last fall... and then he disappeared the next day, when he tried to follow us up the block and then ran off to explore the bushes?

Remember all the agony and guilt I went through? The week and a half of sullenly walking up Banks Street (aka Umbra Alley) shaking jingly toys and food boxes, literally praying to Bast he hadn't fallen down some sewer somewhere? The crushing loss of woo-faith when Peg put up an altar to St. Expedite with all of Umbra's favorite toys and NOTHING SEEMED TO HAPPEN and it just sat there barren?

Well, Peg got a random notion to go out and order pickup from the local cafe this morning. And Umbra Alley is on the way. And... do I even need to finish this story? 😺​

Y'all know me. I was a little skeptical. It couldn't be that easy. But he came RIGHT UP to us, flopped and purred. He's damn near the exact size of his brother Shemp -- big fit and healthy dude -- and has the exact telltale patch of white on his chest and his mom Shadow's eyes. He even flops just like Shemp, master of the Collapsible Tiger Style of kung fu. 😻​

And then he retreated a little when a car nearby started up. The driver turned out to be his new Food Lady, nice gal named Brenda. He showed up as a kitten last November, mewling pitifully on her porch. Telegram records show he disappeared around 11/18.

He's good. He's real good. She says he'd just had his daily spoonful of _pate_ FFS. He tried to follow us home like six times and I insisted on carrying him back each time, 'cause Umbra my dude, we love you and will come by weekly for scritches but YOU HAVE A GOOD THING GOING.

So yeah.

Never give up. Umbra turned out to be a scrapper. We're scrappers too.

I think this is the smallest dude I want to meet. This is so wholesome. <3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOgzBwj5HWU

@001zlnv Shit, I kinda wish I were. Fish sauce is expensive!

@hystericempress This raises my Inner Weebl somethin' fierce.

#pah
#pahgud
#wandapah

I... I bought tuna beer.

Technically, it's bonito flake IPA.

I mean, I couldn't not. I have to set a good example for the other raccoons AND the other tigers.

I still passed on the oyster beer. A little too advanced for me. But I think I *would* drink something with crawfish, maybe a little thyme and paprika... on-yon... cay-enna peppah... *trails off in a Cajun accent she does not actually have* 🦀​

(...little sale on vests... at Wal-maht... nine dolla... nice little vests... light... =(@).(@)= )

Counterpoints:

- City Park is still pretty as hell

- I am KILLING IT in the kitchen lately even if I have to wash everything before I use it Because Bugs

- the cats are fuckin' adorable and even deign to seek petting

- Peggy and I have gotten our average dispute resolution time down to 30 seconds and our usual dispute tactics to Maximum Cuteness

- my favorite burrito, BBQ, cafe, bakery, and snoball shops are all open again and observing safe distancing

- people are actually buying prints of Peg's Sumerian toilet kitty, wtf

- just got some bookshelves as an early birthday present

- Civ 6 is far better than I was lead to believe

- The new MMJ legislation kicks in as early as August 1st, so maybe I can actually END THE TOLERANCE BREAK FROM HELL; even if I somehow can't get a card, someone in Peg's circle surely will

So I mean, I'm mostly actually fine.

I guess I just need a place to take stock. None of this is of any great consequences. I'm just chittering out loud again.

=(n).(n);=

I'm stressed, though. NOLA is nice, but it's a lot less nice when the city is shut down. Meanwhile, it's too hot...

we're slowly building into a Holy Shit Actual Infestation of local bugs which is REALLY starting to fuck with me...

which means we basically have to clean the ENTIRE APARTMENT top to bottom in the near future, for Reasons...

and my finances have been two steps forward two steps back since they cut my salary and rolled back my merit raises due to COVID...

it's been one stress-dream after another and I'm tired of waking up angry and embarrassed from having a big imaginary social meltdown night after night...

I'm noticing a huge gap between my work productivity and my assistant's, and I'm wondering how long it'll be until my boss, or worse, HIS boss notices too...

I'm no longer able to function without a level of coffee that is just below health experts' "umm don't do this" level...

pretty much all the sources of physical pleasure in my life have dried up except for snuggling Peg (which is admittedly real nice)...

and while we just passed a huge expansion to our medical marijuana laws, now I get to stress out over a big embarrassing reckoning with my doctor over trying to get a recommendation...

which also means one of: straightening out a bunch of insurance red tape with my current doctor, starting all OVER again with a new PCP my insurance will fully fund, or shelling out even more money...

and i feel guilty as hell because these are all pretty trivial problems compared to what most of America is going through right now...

oh and Pride inflaming the usual "not queer enough/not trans at all you big creepy perverted faker who only started being a girl to get attention on sex MUCKs" stuff

Otherwise, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine! I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. Raccoon is fine. She's fine. He's fine. They're fine. We're all fine. *washes paws obsessively in a sink that's VERY OVERDUE for scrubbing, laughs, and maybe froths and twitches a little*

Peggy accidentally left the Roomba on while we were feeding the moochlets.

Yeah. Apparently they set a new jump height record and then BOLTED back outside.

I did the right thing: I took the Roomba outside, put it on the porch, scolded it at length, and gave it a good solid punt with my toe to show my little buddies TIGER HAS THEIR BACKS.

They still ran off and wouldn't come back until I shook a food box at 'em.

Team Cat will have its revenge, Evil Floor Robot. Someday my friends will tame you and ride YOU into battle.

@mawr I have addressed "our" three cats like this on many an occasion.

Zero effect*. They answer to a higher power, one that has assured them guilt is no object.

(* Well, technically, sometimes Shemp will look at me and flop over. But that's apparently not so much a surrender as a "yeah, okay, I'm still just gonna resume catting right here if you don't mind.")

@Soreth I'm gonna be 45 on the 3rd. I'm JUST FINE with letting this pass without observation. -_-

Man, I am on a roll in the kitchen this week. Peg ran out for pizza takeout and I tacked on an order of wings. At the last minute I asked for them plain, because I had a whim to throw together my own sauce. I didn't even know what I'd make.

I wound up making my own nước chấm (Vietnamese dipping sauce): fish sauce, lime juice, sugar, vinegar, garlic, and chili flakes. Didn't even bother measuring it out or looking up a recipe. It was so good I went back and picked over the bones to get every last trace of meat. I *never* do that with restaurant sauces.

@anthracite gave me a chew toy. =(^)_______(^)= He's a glorious throwback to the days when reading about other people's apophenia was still kinda fun.

https://spellsoftruth.blog/2020/06/07/reconnecting-with-the-universal-one-part-3-of-3-all-negative-thoughts-are-demons/

I mauled him up pretty bad on Reddit for smarting off at Anthy when she tried to debunk his COVID = Antichrist theory.

Insulting my girlfriend is one thing, but you do NOT get away with writing Roman numerals out of sequence and still expecting them to retain their value. And you do NOT append another "6" to the Number of the Beast and still try to invoke Rev. 13:18.

Not in this goddamn household.

=(>)______(<)=