Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

the kitten level chart is as follows:

Lvl 0 Kitten: Squeaker
Lvl 1 Kitten: Bumbler
Lvl 2 Kitten: Zoomer
Lvl 3 Kitten: Displacer

i think they're somewhere around level 2.5

absolutely nothing we do can keep them out of the bedroom

they have learned zerg tactics and i keep honestly forgetting whether we have two or fourteen kittens, i have it written down here somewhere

oh it's two

listen i know we're in a pandemic but if any of you wants to mask up and drive out to new orleans and score a couple of free kittens

or we can ship them out your way, we were probably just gonna mail them to abu dhabi anyhow

god the nermal arc makes so much more SENSE now, jim davis is a genius, i must go to him 👁️​_​👁️

i must acquire more kittens to drive my chariot

@Leucrotta ok listen this is really important to me

and NO you don't get electric boogaloo you have to EARN electric boogaloo 😠​

@JulieSqveakaroo I do not nog but I could definitely use another bottle of Malort. Strange that I am worthy of a beverage that slays gods yet am defeated by the humble egg...

somewhere on the internet there is porn of philip j fry sucking slurm directly out of transmuted slug leela's butt and they're both loving it

Artie is back on both paws! Still a mild limp but she's clearly recovering fast. I'm so grateful every day about how resilient porch cats are. <3

@anthracite (readers pls note that the hand sanitzer was a semi-joke gift from my little Fret Monster subpersona that worries about her constantly <3 )

@anthracite Today is pretty much OOPS ALL CHORES but maybe tomorrow morning we can find somewhere to snag you a birthday brunch? <3

I mean just look at this perfect creature. She may be wanted in twelve countries but they can't have her, she's mine. <3

Yes, the pic is right-side up. She was just... like that at the moment.

Yay! Lady Artemis has been returned to the care of the Royal Court after a delightful night of purring and cuddling, and the Royal Paw shows some signs of improvement. Her Young Majesty was greeted warmly by Lord Ceejay and Prince Shempington and is now slightly moist. The paparazzi have since been scattered.

Seriously, I think we gave that beautiful sweet kitty a Peak Experience by letting her come snuggle in bed with us and I hope it distracted her from her, hopefully minor, injury!

@LexYeen We probably do, but it's so hard to convince myself sometimes. Thank you for backing me up with a little common sense. <3

Yeah, we looked Her Young Majesty over pretty well and found no trace of blood, swelling, or damage. Objectively her prognosis is probably pretty good but I am a Fret Monster when it comes to those cats. :)

Poor thing probably twisted it skiing in Courchevel behind our backs again. Mission, schmission -- she knows she's not supposed to do that.

Aww, Artie may have sprained her paw. She's limping a bit.

Shemp did this a couple months ago and totally freaked me out, but ended up fine after a day or two. She doesn't cry out when we examine the paw, so I'm suspecting something fairly minor?

We're gonna give her a day or two and keep an eye on it. In the meantime we're tempted to let her spend the night so we at least know what *kind* of trouble she's getting into.

@hystericempress being a weird furry in a social space is like having a psychoanalysis ray that you can't figure out how to shut off

or being an anthropomorphic rorschach blot

people just kinda come up and reveal their major personal damage to you

@hystericempress my personal favorite was the time a rando came up and fact-checked my hieracosphinx Chryssie for being a girl, because that was against AD&D canon, which of course applied normatively to TapestriesMUCK :p

Actually, make it four. Janice Moss. She didn't hurt anybody. :( Grant me four total good cops. That's all I ask.

Although on a side note, I just restarted watching Twin Peaks and... Dale has a surprising number of Ordinary Hardass Cop moments in the first 3 episodes! It almost feels like a bait and switch after seeing him go on to dabble in Tibetan mysticism and soul transmigration and stuff. O_o

Still. I would trust that loon to the ends of the earth. I wouldn't even say that about Fox Mulder, who you notice did NOT get on my canonical list of Three Good Cops.

Oh, and I'd trust the sheriff from No Country For Old Men... but only because he had the damn sense to STOP BEING A COP.

There's more to life than a little money, ya know. Don'tcha know that? And here I am. And it's a beautiful day.

And I wonder if just maybe I'm doing something right for having chosen love and following this weird dragon to this weird doomed fae swamptown, and if maybe Officer Gunderson* might smile on me for it.

(*one of the Three Canonical Good Cops, alongside Dale Cooper and Frank Columbo, not counting Marge's earthly avatar Molly Solverson)

@001zlnv Haha, I was JUST watching my coworkers bitch about WebEx. Did they screw up an update or something?

the thing is i love her but i know she'd do it

@anthracite Like the one you're married to? *laugh* But see adjacent rant: it's like the musical equivalent of Naked Lunch. Between the fact the creator is such a COMPROMISED ASSHOLE and the fact it JUST RESISTS ALL REASONABLE ATTEMPTS TO PERCEIVE IT LET ALONE LIKE IT, it can never possibly be canon. It's like the extreme comedy I like, too: if you can endure it, great, but Jesus, don't inflict it on anybody else unless you're deliberately trying to annoy them for fun.

<3 <3<

@Phorm I mean, I would defend the poignance and essential quality of "Orange Claw Hammer" in a debate. It is a hill I would be tempted to die on.

But I've also read enough about Van Vliet to be absolutely, completely, positively on board with the idea that he was a self-absorbed, narcissistic, abusive, self-indulgent piece of shit with a very questionable WIS score to back up all that musical whatever-it-was.

Same with Zappa, and it leaves me ashamed sometimes to admire his work so much, even though I have to filter so much adolescent, misogynistic, appropriative bullshit out of it AND shoulder the knowledge all those perfect chords and warped time signature trickery were the product of willfully induced human suffering. -______-