Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

It's always nice having the sort of interaction with a beleaguered IT pro, with zero innate motive to suck up to you, that ends in them telling you "thanks, you rock!"

(I apparently saved them a lot of time and effort by correctly divining that the weird login notifications I was getting were just them, reimagining my old laptop.)

@PennyPennyPenny i missed you (all) but this has​become traumatizingly reminiscent of how i behave in the face of my real, analog-type cats' demands 🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀

huh. on a related note, i wonder how much it would cost for one of those arcade crane machines

you can still breathe inside of those, right? plenty of air circulation?

and by you i mean kittens?

aaaaaaaaaaaaugh they've learned how to casually leap over the cardboard barrier we built to keep them out of the hallway

see, strat gamers, this is what happens when you don't upgrade your defensive walls and keep an eye on your opponents' tech trees

also, more seriously, i'm afraid that all this constantly picking them up and frantically scooping them back into the kittenarium is bad for their dispositions, can't exactly be great for our friendship that i am becoming the GIANT PAW OF OPPRESSION.

@spacewastrel@yiff.life Good luck, Scamp!

@Phorm The worst part is how well it works as a metaphor for everything ELSE, isn't it. *hugs tight*

Don't worry, darlin', humans CAN be trained, they just take a little longer than the rest of us...

Today's panic: poor Arty started hwarfing just before Peg gave her a handful of treats.

We were afraid for a split second that she was choking! But we're pretty sure she started BEFORE she ate anything, and she immediately wandered off looking reasonably happy -- and, you know, breathing, which we felines are very fond of -- so it was probably just a hairball.

I still half-panicked myself at the cafe by reading up on hairball complications, so I ended up rushing home to see if I could get Artie to eat!

TL;DR, she wolfed down a bunch of kibble and accepted much scritch, and seems just fine. ^___^ Her paw seems 100% healed, too!

Snowshoe on the left, Olivia on the right. They are the best bad kitties.

@Phorm @anthracite you're probably fine hun, i thought it was pretty funny myself but it probably would've been less funny two weekends ago :> that expression in the last frame *is* priceless though

@Phorm @anthracite NO NO NO NO NO

ok except maybe artie if we give her a couple weeks martial arts training and some little kitty-sized crash pads

that's probably her idea of fun

attn @mawr

https://www.reddit.com/r/AnimalsBeingDerps/comments/jyu0ne/my_money_was_on_no5/

@JulieSqveakaroo My messed-up eventual-Texan ex-girlfriend dabbled with that crowd. Funny-scary stuff. Take comfort in knowing that at least their bullshit has basically NEVER worked out for them in a court. *hug*

the kitten level chart is as follows:

Lvl 0 Kitten: Squeaker
Lvl 1 Kitten: Bumbler
Lvl 2 Kitten: Zoomer
Lvl 3 Kitten: Displacer

i think they're somewhere around level 2.5

absolutely nothing we do can keep them out of the bedroom

they have learned zerg tactics and i keep honestly forgetting whether we have two or fourteen kittens, i have it written down here somewhere

oh it's two

listen i know we're in a pandemic but if any of you wants to mask up and drive out to new orleans and score a couple of free kittens

or we can ship them out your way, we were probably just gonna mail them to abu dhabi anyhow

god the nermal arc makes so much more SENSE now, jim davis is a genius, i must go to him 👁️​_​👁️

i must acquire more kittens to drive my chariot

@Leucrotta ok listen this is really important to me

and NO you don't get electric boogaloo you have to EARN electric boogaloo 😠​

@JulieSqveakaroo I do not nog but I could definitely use another bottle of Malort. Strange that I am worthy of a beverage that slays gods yet am defeated by the humble egg...

somewhere on the internet there is porn of philip j fry sucking slurm directly out of transmuted slug leela's butt and they're both loving it

Artie is back on both paws! Still a mild limp but she's clearly recovering fast. I'm so grateful every day about how resilient porch cats are. <3

@anthracite (readers pls note that the hand sanitzer was a semi-joke gift from my little Fret Monster subpersona that worries about her constantly <3 )

@anthracite Today is pretty much OOPS ALL CHORES but maybe tomorrow morning we can find somewhere to snag you a birthday brunch? <3