Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

A distant friend and former partner of mine once told me early in our relationship that I had "the fires from Dimension X" in my eyes when I started off on a flight of fancy.

I feel like the fires are out, the fuel is no longer found in this plane of existence, and the portal is closed.

I feel like Major Tom: just stranded, far out of reach of anything that could sustain me besides a vague sense of the wonder and terror of the world.

New Orleans is nice, but today it's not feeling like home. Home needs more than one other person in it. Home needs someone *else* who cares about you within a 1,000 mile radius.

The world just seems big and scary today, with less and less of a protective film between me and Lasting Existential Despair every year.

I need to find a way to really reconnect with people and dispel the idea that it's quiet these days because I'm a terrible person who fucked everything up. I haven't had a really good heavy conversation about feelings with someone in so long. I have absolutely no idea how to do this on this godawful corporatized nightmare of an Internet.

I love Peg so much, but she's really not the sort of person who needs or enjoys that kind of sentimentality. I feel like if anything I'm draining her a little when I go there.

I dunno. I don't exactly miss Seattle but I miss having at least had the illusion of some community and some support in the event that the Big One hits. I miss having people near. I guess everyone's in the same boat right now even their friends are physically nearby.

I just feel like I've run thru the last phase of my life where I had *huggable* friends, or confidants of any type. There are social contacts waiting here in NOLA for when things are sorted... but as yet no real *friends* and no major prospects for such.

Especially 'cause I'm just so tired and jaded. I don't know if I can summon the remnants Kincaid and turn on the charm ever again. I can't pretend I don't know I've hurt people and generally fucked up a lot of what I touched.

I dunno. I wanted to end on something positive 'cause this is all making it sound a lot more dire than it is. But yeah, you peel off a couple layers of cats and work and TV and dragon snuggles and this is what there is. *shrug* There ain't much else.

this is today's #moodsnapshot, but oddly, i'm pretty sure i'm the little kid

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8kUgHsKWJc

"[The 'Zoo' in 'Zootopia'] works, though, because the idea of a utopia is so absurd, it makes sense that creatures who live in cages would consider themselves a perfect society." -- Paul F Tompkins as Werner Herzog, Comedy Bang Bang ep. 218

@LexYeen Just left Rep. Evans a semi-polite voice mail explaining why I am Very, Very Disappointed In You For This.

Two more:

1) latex hoods with twintail or topknot sleeves
2) "cosflation" -- character cosplay done entirely with absurdly over inflated vinyl

Oh, and a bonus one so I'm one ahead of quota:
3) "Kooky Spooks" costumes (https://www.google.com/search?q=kooky+spooks&rlz=1C1CHBD_enUS873US881&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjs6Iu71oDvAhVIIqwKHbNMC0EQ_AUoAnoECBQQBA&biw=1016&bih=524)

@spacewastrel@yiff.life I strongly recommend what I did with "Artanis" (which is a deep-cut Tolkien/Archer joke if you look into it): pick an antihero you absolutely LOATHE from the media and then bring out all their elfiest traits... Designing this magnificent jerkass has been loads of fun even if I never get to play him!

Three so far:

1) Dystopian/dehumanizing person-indexing systems (e.g. alphanumeric names; the Alpha Complex color-rank system, etc.)
2) Gadgetry, preferably controlling, placed on forehead
3) People being made to dress themselves in bondage gear while under hypnosis

@spacewastrel@yiff.life Oh, there were just a couple of kink flags that made reference to my ha-ha-only-serious loathing of elves-- which was in turn a ha-ha-only-serious mockery of Whitefire, TapestriesMUCK head wizard, for a very silly policy that allowed elves but strictly barred humans "because elves have such a long-standing relationship with furry fandom" (read: "Whitefire liked elves.")

Also I do kinda fuckin hate most of the personality traits traditionally ascribed to elves, ESPECIALLY Tolkien and D&D elves. Though FWIW I did have an elf character slated for an aborted(?) AD&D game. But he was based on Sterling Archer and DEFINITELY exemplified Elf Loathing. :>

OK, this is practically gonna be cheating for me, 'cause I still have a copy of the wixxx flag systems I wrote for Puzzlebox and 12Fold. >:D

I promise I won't count "elf loathing" as a kink. (But still. Fuck elves. ;D )

previous post TL;DR:

domesticate your thought parasites and pet them

I have an absolutely ferocious earworm and NOTHING is coaxing it out of my head.

OTOH, the earworm is of the species Mybloodyvalentinus Whenyousleepii (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9-NOIalUYU), blessed with the DNA of the prettiest guitar noise ever, so I'm actually rather pleased to have the little critter in here.

So I'm going to avoid all ad jingles and catchy pop songs for the next couple days so it can live a good full healthy lifecycle.

Would you like one of your own? Dee deet doo doo, doot dee doo doo, *etherial warble*...

@woozle Drop a train on 'em, sister. <3

@anthracite This includes ANYTHING "queer" that still involves an interaction with the other sex, like complimenting a woman on her clothes, lending them emotional support ("FRIENDZONED!") or having any female friends whatsoever. It comes RIGHT out of the same toxic complex that has these people convinced wolves are very very concerned about power, confidence, hierarchy, and Axe Body Spray.

@anthracite As far as I can tell, it functionally parses as "any act of kindness towards a woman, if you're a misogynist who literally can not imagine any motive for such except for a 'beta male' trying to get into their pants because As Evolutionary Psychology Teaches Us, women only *really* love aggression and selfish machismo."

Artie missed the morning feeding and I wasted the whole morning fretting over her, despite swearing to Peggy and myself both that I wouldn't. Ending up taking a nap purely for the sake of a time skip.

Skip to the happy ending: about 20 minutes ago, Peg deposited Her Stripey Grace on the bed next to me.

That was exactly how I was hoping to wake up. <3 She's absolutely fine, unless you count "pretty clingy." But I'm in no position to complain. :D

@hystericempress Yeah, it's amazing how much of an effect subtleties like that can have. I really miss being able to use the "music" field for the same purpose-- for me it was almost always for some pithy selection that summed up the post, not what I was *actually* listening to when it started, and that was just such a powerful and subtle way to communicate. I REALLY miss the LJ scene sometimes, badly though I blew it there on my own.

@hystericempress @Soreth But it's got a 5/5 on Amazon, how could it possibly be bad?!? https://www.amazon.com/Magic-Gathering-Rhystic-Cave-Prophecy/dp/B005QW1BCI#customerReviews

@mawr That's infuriating and scary. Keep us posted, hun. *hug*

@Leucrotta Same way I really prefer hearing the line "I give a hell of a shit" from Dead Milkmens' "Nutrition" as "I give a healthy shit." I was SO PISSED Rik turned out to be right about that one. :)