Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

@Austin_Dern
"Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of proportion a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size." -- Mark Twain, Which Was the Dream?

We're all in this together, Sam Lowry.

*hugs*

I've got keys to the wheels
I've put some money aside
Disappear from this world
No one would mind
Fly through the air
Leaving no trail
'Cause when you're in space
They can't hear you fail

Let's escape from it all
Become someone new
I'm annoying I know
But what can you do?
I just love to drive
So put me in jail
'Cause when you''re in space
They can't hear you fail

OK, I do feel a little better now.

Not just because this orby little shit is cute as hell, but because apparently Nicki Minaj's recording company's going out of its way to DMCA him, which means I get to feel like a tiny bit of an outlaw.

Streisand Effect the hell out of this ferret for me, willya?

https://random-ferret.tumblr.com/post/650832523803459584/mileskitaro-mileskitaro-nicki-minaj-ferret

#forbiddenferret

Good stuff:

* Oh god Only Murders in the Building is so good. If I were really at the edge (which I'm not), this is one of those shows that would keep me alive from sheer anticipation.

* Kink life has some promising opportunities, I just need to find time and energy and score up some libido.

* Really liking the new laptop. Tiny but FAST and clever, especially now that it's been cured of its bloatware. I might name it Poiuyt after my dear little mischievous jackalope plushie.

* Cats seem pretty happy. Indignant because they didn't get any Feather Time this morning, but happy. Peebles got Epic Scritch and became very very long for a few minutes while I petted her definitely untrapped belly. ^________^

* We're in pretty good financial shape all in all.

@Austin_Dern You too, hun. I admit I've been pretty lucky in terms of the basics, especially compared to a lot of folks down here.

I'm just tired of being on the edge of a crying jag. It's like, DO IT OR DON'T, BRAIN.

Stepdad had another episode but that's kind of a good thing. Turns out he probably has a mild arterial afibrillation that his previous cardios missed. They caught it on the monitor and are keeping him an extra day-- poor guy, he's so sick of this. They suspect they can fix it with some medication changes.

Me? I'm burnt out, nothing else to it. Been suctioning emotional and household resources from Peggy to deal with it, but I feel like I keep crawling into a bigger and bigger serotonin debt.

What I need is a real fucking vacation (as opposed to "seven days off generously granted because you're worried your wife and cats might drown"). None is forthcoming.

I could also really use a mental vacation, but I plowed through the last of our weed-- for which I also feel pretty guilty. Last night, just the idea of poking my head up from the mundanity for just a moment felt so tempting.

I dunno. I miss feeling like an alien humming along on some weird psychic plane, instead of... some fat depressed hairy guy who does geo research for a living.

Dear god, Only Murders in the Building is good.

@LexYeen (But seriously, why the fuck is there still a Britsh Crown? *sigh* )

@LexYeen *mutters at you in Martian*

(I know, I know, feline anarchomonarchy* doesn't count. You probably mean the kind with laws and serfs and and stuff. No, don't do that one.🐯​)

Doing a bit better today.

Got a new laptop! Old Ideapad's case was starting to crack and warp, so it was about time. HP Envy, liking it so far but it's reminded me every step of the way how little it feels like I own my devices in 2021.

OTOH, I solved most of the issues on my own, including a fairly subtle Chrome issue, so I'm feeling reasonably clever.

Stepdad is probably going to be discharged today. They gave him a pretty thorough work-up and couldn't find anything wrong with his heart! So it sounds like most of the scariest possibilities have been eliminated.

A little frightened of work, for once. Walking into a conflict with a coworker. It's a polite one, but they're basically bucking the advice I gave them and their e-mail explaining why rambles on for PAGES. *sigh* I've been putting this off.

ENT appt this morning. Still apparently have a tiny trace of swimmer's ear in my right ear. Pleasantly surprised the left one's made a full recovery. Not that big of a deal, I've got plenty of the medication left. Kinda enjoyed the cleaning tbh.

Still a little creeped out wondering how I got swimmer's ear when I don't swim. Still half-afraid it's something in the apartment.

Low-grade anxiety all around, even after getting relatively good news. I dunno. *shrug*

Have seen all six cats recently and they seem pretty happy so, you know, it's still a good day.

Oh, and our rental company finally got back to us about the wiring issues! And I still have some cheesecake left.

@Leucrotta His Majesty was not interested in introductions but I hope to make his further acquaintance (and possibly break down and buy some of the A5 wagyu they purport to have) in the near future. He seems to hold court regularly, if the number of people who stopped to pet him is any indication. ^_____^

cases in point, plus a bonus coco

OTOH, I had an obscene brisket sandwich from a gourmet butcher shop this morning, got to meet their legally mandatory Mooch Cat named Porkchop (according to the four people who said "Hey, Porkchop" while passing by), and brought home a chocolate cheesecake made with local Creole-style cream cheese (which is its own special thing and apparently a dying art).

Also Deltarune continues to be a great source of perverted comfort and I expect to continue seeing great things out of werewires and Noelle's robot face.

Stepdad is back in the hospital for his heart. It sounds like it's not *that* bad so far. He had some chest pain, they got him checked out, and one of his blood gas levels was off.

My poor parents have been waiting in the ER since 8 am. They just want to transfer him to a better hospital 20 minutes away, in case they need to catheterize him, but they have to wait for a room first. I HATE knowing that it's probably because of covidiots.

Meanwhile... well, I was probably going to spend the day sitting around low-energy and stunned already and this just clinches it. I can't bring myself to feel like anything I do is going to matter. Can't bring myself to care.

I dunno.

@Austin_Dern That's a crappy way to let someone go. I'm so sorry. *hug*

@arilin It's not just you, I kinda had the same experience. I do the same thing with music, and not on purpose: I tend to get on board right after something stops being trendy.

@Leucrotta I'm gonna come right out and say it, it sounds like one of your father's biggest goddamn failures is NOT even being able to be a cheerleader for the people who needed him to be one, so he can basically go fuck himself. >___<

@001zlnv Plus, I mean, they're six VERY different cats and I would have to put skill points in SIX different cat weapon types.

I'm pretty sure Shemp is a shoulder-mounted siege weapon, for instance, whereas Peebles is a fully automatic short-range purrbox. Totally different skills.

(Ceejay is a landmine. *giggle*)

@001zlnv Can't, Bill Hader and Andy Samberg are notoriously sue-happy about Laser Cats*. >:(

*complete lie

One really nice thing about this stage of my life: when I see someone interesting, my first impulse isn't "OH MY GOD HOW DO I GET THIS PERSON TO LIKE ME? OH GOD, THEY'D PROBABLY HATE ME."

It's totally OK that there are people who look very interesting and I will never get to meet and never need to impress. This took a long time to get to.

I've largely kicked the esteem habit. Four out of six cats and one out of one dragons LOVE me. What more could I ask for?

It also helps that the urge was partly fueled by a desperate longing to find anyone who shared my kinks or my weird outlook on the world so I could feel less LONELY.

And I don't feel lonely. I have you folks here every day, mostly just being chill and letting me be a big fiesty tiger who's *probably* never even gonna get around eating anyone here.🐯​❤️​

So I can go out there to Birdsite and see some adorable pervert with electrodes in their sona's skull, or whatever, someone I would have NEEDED TO KNOW IMMEDIATELY back in 2005, and just go, "Huh. Neat kid. Glad to see the next generation. Good luck out there," and genuinely mean it and NOT FEEL THE NEED TO SLIDE INTO THEIR LIVES.

No more FOMO. It's awesome. My gunslinging days are over, nobody remembers my name, my revolvers are up on the wall, and they'll come down someday when I'm good and ready. It's... it's kinda NICE to be old and tired. :)