Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

So here's what I think we're gonna do.

We're pretty sure we've traced Artie's attic route to some spindly trees in the neighbor's yard.

So we just need something to convince her to stay AWAY from those trees.

And we have a couple of friends who are zookeepers at the Audubon.

And they have access to wolf, black bear, leopard, and tiger piss... 😆​

cat is on ground

dealer is scheduled for this afternoon

have easy work on slate

have a bottle of mediocre table wine and six cans of lacroix for spritzers

all is emphatically not right with the world but at least maybe maybe maybe i can have something like a fun day D:

@matias93 @anthracite Oh, believe me, she knows about that whole debate! I won't stop yammering at her about this series of articles. :)

https://www.exurbe.com/machiavelli-s-p-q-f/

@spacewastrel@yiff.life I mean, I considered myself a centrist for the longest time, and I do still think there's a *hypothetical* conservatism that isn't evil, loathsome, and perennially willfully wrong. (We're never gonna see it. It's like how Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Columbo imagine ethical cops-- just because it's imaginable doesn't mean it's achievable.)

But let's put it this way: there's an alternate universe where it's Democrats vs. Scientology. I ain't gonna "split the difference" with one murderous cult whose doctrine is PATENTLY bullshit-- so I ain't gonna do it with the other!

(In other words, hard agree. You can't "split the difference" with people who PROVABLY just... kinda make shit up as it suits them and have little visible morality besides "when we grab power it's good, when you do it it's evil.")

We got her.

Accept this trifle as a celebration.

🎼​We're gonna fill food and water dishes
When Artie comes home
We're gonna buy her a couple fishes
When Artie comes home to stay
We're gonna give her some treats

🎼Sleep on the couch and pettins
Chase Peebs around till the girls say mew
Paw at a glass and break it
When Artie comes home

🎼When Artie comes home
So bad
She's the worst cat we ever had
Princess Poobrain the Dumbhead
At least she's not in the attic
Starvin' til she's dead!

(ORIGINAL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gg9RyiPKhx8)

@Leucrotta And thus, not with a whimper but with a bang, the Star Wars Holiday Special II begins...

@Leucrotta Me too, hun. Me too. *shudder*

"Yes, you're living in my head rent-free, but much the same could have been said about Senator Martin's daughter and Buffalo Bill. Now be a dear and put the lotion in the basket or else it gets the hose again."

Artie spotted in attic, noisily displeased but intact.

Plan A is get her tomorrow.

@spottyfox Yeah, but you KNOW what subculture they're going to belong to... ;O

(After the way the Juggalos have come out tough against fascism lately, though, I'm... I'm fine with it honestly.)

@spacewastrel@yiff.life Thank you, seriously, the reassurances from Experienced Pet Friends are VERY helpful and everyone is morally off the hook if the worst *does* happen somehow. Artie... knew what this meant. *hug*

I might have gone a TAD too far with this one but it makes me laugh and I really need that today.

Perked up somewhat after Artie spotted this morning, by which I mean, I at least stopped physically shaking and feeling queasy.

Dealer has been summoned for an emergency delivery tomorrow. :)

But yeah, Artie was pokin' her head out as we took off for cafe, and her mews were like knives through my heart. I have ZERO resistance to her being sad. ;___;

Puttin' all my faith in Bast, Peg, and all your reassurances that she'll be OK up there. To the best of our knowledge (and contrary to my panicky helicopter-parent imaginings) there's nothing particularly dangerous in that attic, as long as we FEED AND WATER her within a day or so, and she's not *quite* dumb enough to attempt an escape leap she can't handle.

God, this fucking sucks. :O Peg was quite opposed to having Artie as an indoor cat again when/if we rescue her, but has been SUPER SUPER GOOD about accepting I will be A WRECK any day she's stuck up there, and letting me negotiate to just figure out what specifically about an Indoor Artie drives her nuts.

(We might be hitting up Cat Folk for some training advice if all goes well with the rescue. If not... well... you'll always be my hero, Artie, you stupid stupid adventure cat.)

artie confirmed alive, poked head out attic and mewed, still stuck ofc

rescue tomorrow prolly, and if she doesn't show herself when summoned i guess we just leave water and a LITTLE food and let her ponder her cat crimes in solitary a little longer

god i hate all this, i wanna get her out of that building then burn it right down

Ugh.

(life, not y'all <3 )

Also the faves and universal lack of yelling "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU" over us leaving Artie a day or two is very reassuring, thank you. That's kinda why I mentioned it, people have pushed back when we were giving up too soon on the cats in the past (e.g. The Kitten Incidents) and I rely on y'all as my moral compass. <3

Doing mentally and physically better since we confirmed Artie is alive and intact up in the neighbor's attic, at least stopped serial-retching (which I do when I'm nervous, esophageal defect), but boy would it be nice to be able to keep any food down.

Artie is alive, at least. Peggy's 98% sure she saw her poking her head out the attic window in the dark, and we heard mewing that was very similar to Artie's "WHEE LOOK AT ME"/"HELP GET ME DOWN" mews. 🙄​

Rescue attempt #1 will be made tomorrow, or at least we'll check in and consider smuggling her some food and water up there. Peg is determined to leave her there a bit to make sure she gets her lesson finally-- I'm worried about another sudden vanishing and that one being permanent, but aside from that anxiety I'm afraid she's... probaly right?

I feel terrible leaving a buddy stranded up there, but aside from my own possibly irrational terror she'll just poof, I don't think she's in any imminent *danger* up there, the attic does not seem *that* dangerously decrepit. Still feel awful about it, some part of me kinda wants to rush in and play rescue tiger immediately, but... yeah, I'm not even sure she WANTS to come down yet?

Artie was not only last spotted back up in attic but is currently AWOL, Cox cable might suspend our Internet permanently over a three-second misclick on a torrent client, I had to cancel therapy due to Panicked Cat Search, and so much for that good day I was having.

No replies necessary, wouldn't be able to process them TBH and nothing will help until things turn out OK or I know for sure they haven't and can try to deal.

playing a very dangerous game with twitter support in order to prove a point

https://twitter.com/zebratron2084/status/1490862805226041346

oh and also because it's fun to get away with publicly inciting people to shoot matt walsh

but no seriously talk radio IS a really good movie

especially the end