Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

@Balina I am working SO HARD NOW not to make a really lame Depeche Mode joke right now...

@Leucrotta @kelseyhusky I mean, your trash-eating skills are beyond reproach, but will they scale? ;>

@kelseyhusky *sigh* I suppose Peggy's gonna want to come along and contaminate everything with Jack Kirby Cosmic Energy Dots _anyhow_, so sure, what the hell. :)

Also, I'm probably gonna have to increase the size of Galactiquun Corps to 12-15 anyhow, 'cause the housecats want in. :)

So I gently encouraged someone on Twitter, who could not understand why feelings were hurt when she explicitly left body-dysphoric cis people out of a TF fantasy, to be more inclusive.

And I tried to gently steer her fantasy towards a greater inclusiveness without directly contradicting her, by making a joke/extension about how trans people who wished for CONTAGIOUS species could just bite the cis people--they'd just have to wait for the second round.

And then one of the cis people who was hurt by being excluded lectured me because my solution rewarded TFs to people who weren't otherkin, because (in the unlikely event I understood them correctly) THEY were putatively a more deserving, needy, and oppressed group than "normal human" (my words) people. Apparent awareness that THEY WERE JUST COMPLAINING ABOUT BEING EXCLUDED DUE TO DEMOGRAPHICS FIVE MINUTES AGO: zero.

And now I think I'm one step closer to becoming a Galactus-kin. You have no idea how close I am to sealing myself in my laboratory and not coming out until I'm 80 feet tall and can suck the life out of entire planets, and I'm gonna start with this one.

I will be the Raccoon Who Eats Trash Worlds. And NOBODY is coming along for the ride, though I might draw lots to let 3-5 of you become my super-powered heralds. And if you bicker over which minority groups get chosen, I will eat you FIRST.

Also, no goddamn surfers.

@spacewastrel@yiff.life I learned that so hard, you can still see the crater in Northgate, Seattle from orbit. *hug* It's not an easy lesson, and I feel like I'm still in exile from it. But you can still route around the damage, and I'm living proof. Best of luck, darlin'. Thinking of you. I mean, *I* sure as fuck like you. And we've bounced off each other, what, like five times now? But I always come back, because you are a decent, honest, caring person.

@spacewastrel@yiff.life Been watching with concern, haven't known what to say. *hug* I just wish I could send a rescue helicopter or something...

I mean, say what you will about us, but our whole LIVES are one constant pandemic, and you don't see us raising a big fuss over it. ​

*pops some popcorn, nestles in someone's attic next to the window, watches the humans run around acting crazy, and waves a little tiny flag that says "RACCOONS"*

Oops. Heh. It's been confirmed in our Louisiana parish and the Ohio county adjacent to my parents.

I'm not afraid. All of us are lucky: we have the resources to lay in plenty of supplies, and no particular obligations that would force us to spend much time in crowds.

I'm still far, far more concerned about the short-sighted stupidity of my fellow person-like-things.

@001zlnv @Austin_Dern Nope, but "contagious appearance" is pretty good too, you gotta admit...

@jimpjorps Somebody was going to link you to this sooner or later so it's not really my fault. O:)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mw7Gryt-rcc

@mawr @lorxusfavor @kelseyhusky Cripes. That is some, like, anime final episode battle stuff. Magical huskybot girl triumphs over all!

@Austin_Dern Exhibit C:

@Austin_Dern Exhibit B:

@Austin_Dern Exhibit A:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Miraculous:_Tales_of_Ladybug_%26_Cat_Noir_episodes

@Austin_Dern Basically the same thing with superheroes. It's very... French.

I'M FAAAAAAAAKE

I'M A PLASTIC REPLICA

NO REAL RACCOONS IN HERE

I HAD TO SPEND SIX DAYS IN AUTOCAD TO PRINT MYSELF A CIRCULATORY SYSTEM JUST SO I COULD GIVE YOU RABIES

STOP LUMPING ME IN WITH THE MEAT PEOPLE

NATURE IS STUPID AND BORING

IT IS THE FUTURE

EVERYTHING IS A SHINY

I PRINT MY OWN TRASH AND EAT IT

@Austin_Dern Now I wonder if you've seen any Miraculous Ladybug...

@Austin_Dern So... a series of three-minute shorts, wherein a team of spies crudely edited to NOT be wearing skintight rubber jumpsuits receives an assignment... resolves the problem offscreen... and then cuts back immediately to the debriefing.

Sounds great.