Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

Artie and Peebs came in and were cute at us.

When Artie last greeted us from the outside, it was from doorbell level. This concerns me. If Artie learns to use the doorbell, all is lost. And I would really like to know who is sending us all these crates of white powder in her name. She might be running a freebase catnip ring.

ok admittedly that part might get exciting. also i still consider artie a good kitty.

Sugarfoot had a wet food. We have been lazy with the wet food lately and mostly been giving them tiny kibble. She and the kittens like chicken even when it is in "bit" form. We are the worst parents.

CJ is now named "Feauxbeau," as in a lazy pseudo-Cajun version of "football," because CJ has a butt like a linebacker, also like a football. CJ is my favorite except for Peebles, Shemp, Sugarfoot, Olivia, Snowy, and Artie, who are tied with CJ.

Shemp mhrrrrorwwwaaarooooarrrr. Our mighty warrior* poet. (*shemp hit a bug!)

Shadow is also a cat. In my headcanon, Shadow is voiced by Jessica Walter doing a Katherine Hepburn impersonation. I think about 70-80% of her vocalizations mean "What... a... dump.." We are not unhello with Shadow. We conceded a respectful scritch to Her Imperial Majesty of the Shadow Clan earlier today. She accepted and carried on with her Imperial duties.

tiger jesus sit on pizza

is a miracule!

@Phorm there's a reason everybody wears thigh-high boots and it's not fashi---okay, it's not not fashion, but there are other reasons

pinky and the brain would be a very different cartoon if they were two cats

@Phorm yeah but listen

i am saying this as someone who is objectively pro catboy and i think my record will support me on that one

30k catboys is a lot of catboys

that is arguably too many catboys

like by one or two orders of magnitude

i would recommend limiting yourself to environs with maybe 300 - 3k catboys unless you have professional motives and a fully qualified and background checked support team

ffs learn from our mistakes of the last 8.5 weeks: at least take some bactine, a jingly toy, and a bag of dried fish treats

@Sig Grundig blaupunkt luger frug watusi snarf wazoo. Nixon dirksen nasahist rebozo boogaloo. *nod*

i guess the big news is that the kittens are eight and a half weeks now and we're starting to plan the adoption and snippage process

the volunteer at "Trap Dat Cat" had said she had slots available as early as end of next week. but based on her advice -- and the fact we found Sugarfoot snuggled up tight with Liv and Snowy yesterday, so she's clearly not ready to let them go -- we're gonna try to last another couple of weeks.

we're running out of energy and patience, honestly. herding the cats from room to room has been INCREDIBLY stressful -- keep in mind we live in a shotgun-style, i.e. completely linear, house and there's no bedroom-to-bathroom access without fording Cat River. and the kittens are still in the "everything is a scratching post" stage. D:

but we love them and i'm actually kinda relieved peg is cool with having them for another couple weeks -- poor thing is frustrated as hell and i can tell she's starting to fray, but i can tell she loves those friggin cats as much as i do, and we really want them to get a good kitty education and a healthy send-off from mom.

other news:

-- sugarfoot's almost certainly back out of heat -- she's no longer losing her shit with pleasure when we pet her hips (it's PURELY platonic, believe me, she is NOT my type as I have repeatedly pointed out to her in the past week >___< ). plus she's right back to nipping at me whenever i try to pet her at the wrong moment, including when she is begging for petting. *sigh* i know, i know, cat is working as designed, issue closed...

-- cj turned up and is fine, which is not news to you because i never mentioned we were afraid he was missing. i didn't wanna jinx it. :) plus, yanno, i was just sad at the prospect. he's the least human-oriented of the clan, but he always accepts a good petting and i'm just kinda cheering for the weird little poodge.

-- artie loves the shelter we made out of the cat carrier we thought we were gonna need to get shemp snipped

-- shemp am cat, him want me tell u "mhrrrrhrrowwwwl" *flomp*

@001zlnv Second one mostly. 🐯​

@JulieSqveakaroo @001zlnv i mean, my last experiment with eggroll wrappers actually went a little TOO well if anything... i should give it a try, really.

@001zlnv there are at least two very formidable women who have forbidden me to own or operate a fryer while they still draw breath and i can't claim they're wrong n__n

@Phorm i mean, there are a lot of valid places to go with the "gourmet nut paste plus gourmet fruit conserve plus high quality bread" notion. i can easily imagine paying $20+ fpr, say, a hazelnut-chocolate-banana-strawberry deal on some grilled chocolate bread from When Pigs Fly in Somerville, MA

i realize that's very specific, but they had the best damn chocolate bread and i still miss them terribly...

@Leucrotta get out</leslie_knope>

you know what i really want right now?

you know how there's that whole trend of artisanal versions of horrible snack foods but with real ingredients, like "pop tarts" made from real shortcrust pastry, or Valrhona chocolate Ding Dongs

i want that for pizza rolls. like, an actually good fried wheat dough wrapper and some good italian cheese and sauce, maybe a little guanciale or something

it's still got to have that stretchy, tender kind of consistency, though

fuck it, i'll just order pizza, we do still live in a society

oh my god, annie the lawyer from the flight attendant is hekapoo from star vs the forces of evil :O :O :O

@anthracite I have everything we need to clean the coffee pot, nab me when i get home! Or you can just fill a mug with water and microwave it, but I realize the microwave is kinda blocked in with RANDOM STUFF right now!

@Aradia I'm debating now whether to tell you a long and rambling story about a piece of media you'll probably never want to see. But it does involve foxes...

olivia accidentally discovered how to turn the roomba on 🤣🤣🤣

of COURSE it would be olivia

@JulieSqveakaroo I sure ain't complaining! I am REALLY impressed with how graciously my employers have handled all this so far. We lost a little, but they clearly worked their butts off to minimize how much we'd have to give up until things are back to normal.

Huh, neat. Looks like our Benign Euromasters are giving the whole bunch of us the last full week of the year as paid vacation.

I have a sneaking suspicion that this is *instead* of a Christmas bonus, but it's still more than they had to do, and a lot more than a lot of people are getting.

Now if there were only anywhere to go or anything to do during those five days. :P Parallax, I guess!

𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕓𝕝𝕦𝕖 𝕡𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕪 𝕙𝕦𝕟𝕥 𝕨𝕒𝕤
𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕪 𝕤𝕦𝕔𝕔𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕗𝕦𝕝

𝓌𝑒 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝓅𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑒𝒹

𝕣𝕖𝕕 𝕔𝕚𝕥𝕚𝕫𝕖𝕟𝕤 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕕𝕧𝕚𝕤𝕖𝕕
𝕥𝕠 𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕕𝕝𝕪 𝕣𝕖𝕗𝕣𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝕗𝕣𝕠𝕞
𝕗𝕦𝕣𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕚𝕟𝕢𝕦𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕤
𝕣𝕖𝕘𝕒𝕣𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕓𝕝𝕦𝕖 𝕔𝕚𝕥𝕚𝕫𝕖𝕟𝕤

𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓈𝓂𝒶𝓁𝓁
𝑜𝓃𝑒𝓈 𝒶𝓅𝓅𝓇𝑜𝒶𝒸𝒽
𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝒽𝑜𝓊𝓈𝑒
𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝑒𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓇
𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝒾𝓃𝓈𝓉𝓇𝓊𝒸𝓉𝑒𝒹