Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

...that Bill Hicks was a juvenile piece of shit.

Therefore when Tao is lost, there is goodness.

When goodness is lost, there is kindness.

When kindness is lost, there is justice.

When justice is lost, there is ritual.

Now ritual is the husk of faith and loyalty, the beginning of confusion.

Knowledge of the future is only a flowery trapping of the Tao. It is the beginning of folly.

--Tao Te Ching, Chapter 38

#SocialTaoWarrior

#introvertstylegoals https://awoo.space/media/R9gcJrWxnZdY0ip1GP4

I'm better today than I've been in a long time. Thank you all, there was a lot I'd been bottling up, and a lot of fears that had taken root while I'd put myself in isolation. Now it's clear that I had a lot less to be afraid of that I thought, and I'm really grateful.

I feel like I stole a little of her thunder yesterday. I hope it was at least helpful to some people, me finally coming out and talking about my own suicidal ideations (which I promise you are WELL under control these days).

I didn't really get to know Natalie at all, and I'm finding I regret that more, the more I hear about her. If it would be healing for anyone to tell me stories about her, and how she touched this huge number of people, I'd be really grateful.

a penance of sorts

thank you again for listening tonight

https://awoo.space/media/sU2Y_VawOgZgi6bqX7Q

(However, don't expect me to be any less cranky or misanthropic until... oh... maybe the second Tuesday of November in 2019? O:) )

My inner demons have been safely cudgeled, stuffed in a sack, and sat upon.

Thank you all for your help and reassurance. I realize I've been a colossal pain in the ass, but I also know this is a vicious circle and I am GONNA break it for you, and return in my full powers someday. <3

(and of course, what this really means is that I'm starting to process some of the bad shit, me and my weird english friend -- as long as I'm not listening to "Lady Godiva's Operation" with my head flat on my desktop and a pizza cutter between my legs, you probably don't have to worry too much -- i have survived far worse than ok computer and a little self-loathing :) )

Aw, geeze.

Speaking of Nuclear Throne... Peg just gave me a little gift. A tiny Robot friend. I cried a little. And I feel a little better.

We're gonna see if we can get a little shovel friend for it. ^___^

Angst level is down to... Add N to X, I guess. *beepboops amusedly*

ZEBRA ANGST ADVISORY SYSTEM:

Stereolab
Love Tractor
The Feelies
Talking Heads
The Buggles
Galaxie 500
Dinosaur Jr.
Modest Mouse
Radiohead <<< CURRENT STATUS
Leonard Cohen

THIS IS NOT A DRILL

this bout of weepage has been brought to you by Charles Earland Industries: bringing you the best in pensive, mellifluous jazz funk since... since... since before he came to a horrible impoverished end in some shanty, probably.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h63iuGai9yk

oh wait, they made that one, binding of isaac, but it reminds me of the people i fucked everything up with

well, at least i'd start with a big power up -- zebra tears start pretty huge

maybe i'll play gungeon instead

i hear that if you can hit the high dragun in the heart with a charmed bow just enough times, it'll scoop you up in its arms and let you cry while nestled against its main rocket magazines, and ask you "why can't you just open up and say you need company and reassurance, instead of couching everything in weak forced humor, surely somebody out there still loves you"

or maybe i'll find a game where tears kill everything

shit, apparently you don't get emotional catharsis until loop 3

you need the frog pistol to unlock "convince your friends that their increasing willingness to dehumanize enemies is scaring the shit out of you"

the "confident enough to walk into Transliminal without feeling like a pariah" skin for Chicken is an urban legend

and you have to beat the throne unarmed in order to get your ex-boyfriend to give you closure from the wounds he caused you when he said you were always a bad match

haha, no, seriously, I'm just gonna play nuclear throne and cry all evening

at least in the wasteland there's a sense that there's something that survived the explosion

To you unenlightened people, it may seem like I have fallen into procrastination in order to nurse my pent-up frustration and self-hatred.

But to an enlightened traveler of the wastelands like me, this is a spiritual journey.

I'm pretty sure I read on the Nuclear Throne wiki that after Loop 3, you get your libido back, the president dies, you get a password to a social medium where you always feel welcomed and heard, and your estranged sisters love you again.

See you there, fellow mutant.

"What's that, nap?"

"You say you're just like death, except I get to come back, and in the meantime I get to process all the ways in which I hate myself out of my subconscious?"

"That's a great idea. Where were you before? Let's do that. A lot. Like, for 16-24 hours."