Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

Enmerkar sits at the breakfast table in a crisp blue suit, reading the newspaper and nursing a cup of coffee.

. o O ("I should get some kobolds.")​

This is some serious discomfort comedy, but it's got such a heartwarming ending... http://www.adultswim.com/videos/infomercials/innovation-makers-the-coyote-suit/ (attn: @acetone_kitten​)

But this job only gets REALLY fun when we the staff have to start speculating on the drunkenness level of our hypothetical user in order to issue a proper rating. :D

(Such as, exactly how drunk do you have to get in order to accept doner kebab as Greek food? Does this vary based on whether the user is, say, German, Greek, or Turkish to start with?)

Today's Telecommuter Problem:

I'm still recovering from holiday food temptations... and my first day back at work is nothing but GREEK, SPANISH, AND TURKISH SEAFOOD AND FARM-TO-TABLE RESTAURANTS, with the occasional Vietnamese family restaurant. Like, in Hanoi.

I NEED DANGER PAY FOR THIS.

And maybe about $70 in BiteSquad credits. >_>;

I really intended to start my diet in earnest today, but both my body and my mother had different plans. -_-

Brace yourselves, @literorrery​ and company-- you are the ones in the most imminent danger of a cookie bomb.

Maybe more like a cookie nuke. A veritable cookie Tunguska must be unleashed on innocents, one way or the other (eight Ziploc tubs of them!) if I am to survive the month.

(Honestly, I still might pick "cookies" over "survival." We'll see how 2018 starts out. XD )

#newyearsresolutions https://awoo.space/media/NXADNnd3B-hJAU6SDzg

Well, brain, isn't that a lovely way to send me into one of the largest social gatherings of the year, after one of the worst years of my life.

Dreamed that some kind of dispute over a car escalated into a prank war, and somehow it got so bad I'd accidentally killed the couple on the other side.

It was national news. I couldn't walk down the street without being scowled out. Because of a split-second loss of self-control.

Yeah.

Dammit. *reaches for BBQ fork, locates own eyes*

Also, @ElectricKeet​, I think you might want to see this one... (cw: brief simulated/virtual emesis; intense psychedelia)

https://vimeo.com/166829672

Ah, okay. I should have just read the Youtube notes. If I'm reading the context right, spoiler alert, it's a very very snarky response to a lost Italian Futurist film... with cute kitties and babies.

I should probably put some kind of content warning on this video, but I'm not sure enough of what's going on to say which ones. o_o

I did at least manage to figure out "Cecco Beppe" is an Italian nickname for Franz Joseph I of Austria. And it portrays proto-fascists as adorable but ill-behaved infants. Or babies were the only non-feline actors available. Probably the latter. There's a cute kitty with a creepy voice.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MT2L2TwD0pc

(yes, I realize this is an appalling misuse of the term "karma" and I apologize -- it derives from a specific joke from Sifl and Olly and I know that I am trash. n.n )

john goodman has beef karma
mark lynn-baker has chicken karma
michael cera has lamb karma
stephen fry has goat karma

ken nordine is the new abe vigoda

I had a sudden overwhelming wave of nostalgia for Roadwar 2000. If anyone knows what the hell I'm talking about, what's the closest equivalent of that these days? Strategy/tactics hybrids are always my thing, but I think what really appealed to me was strategy in some contorted, mythicized version of the United States. I want that bad, I think, maybe even in board game form. (I've played Neuroshima Hex and 51st State. Right genre, wrong mechanics. n.n; )

Home.

I have weed. I have raw fish. I got to pet a dispensary doggo. I get to pet an ACTUAL* FUCKING DRAGON.

God, I missed Seattle.

In Chicago, just 5-6 hours to go... *sigh* Smooth process so far, I just want to get HOME. I want WEED and REAL FOOD and ANTHRACITE*, not necessarily in that order.

*the dragoness, not the coal

the songs that you play are cloying
the effects are most annoying
and though it may sound quite crass
bite my ass bite my ass bite my ass

Here I am at Akron-Canton Airport, waiting for my first flight. Mom decided to spend most of the trip talking about things I've done during previous travel that have terrified her, and then segued right through a bunch of other depressing topics like fretting about my niece.

Love my mom and stepdad, and wish for many for holidays like this, but... yeah, it's time to separate the mother and child Dago specimens and return them each to their natural habitats.