Zeta Syanthis @zetasyanthis@awoo.space

So, the cycle I seem to keep hitting is this:

1. Mess up on meds at some point. (I just forget doses sometimes.)
2. My anxiety crashes get extra bad, because unstable meds.
3. Unable to work / deal with life in general.
4. Feel terrible that useless and never good enough and obsessively worry that my boss isn't /really/ telling me what he thinks (that I'm a terrible employee and am going to end up fired).
5. Crash hard enough from #2-4, esp resulting overwork from #4 that I mess up my sleep schedule and end up missing medication doses.

I at least know the problem, but stabilizing and getting out of this loop long term is brutally difficult.

Little more stable at the moment, going to try to nap. Will respond individually later, but thank you all so much for reaching out. >.<

I seriously want to stop right now. Just... not be. I'm hurting too much, I'm crying too much, and I wish I could be just a little less broken, and that day never really comes. >.<

@rey My heart also goes out to the poor security folks who botched the response at the beginning. I can't even imagine how horrible they feel.

Regarding last boost, I'm not autistic, but I hurt the same way described in that article. Never good enough, never ever able to be worth anything. Push myself way too hard in response, and wreck myself in the process. >.<

@rey I just finished reading that myself. As much as I hate the catholic church, I can't even *whimpermumble* what it meant to see that church in flames. So, so glad they saved it, and so blown away by the risks they took to do it, despite everything that went wrong.

@Leucrotta Would some *soft hugs* help? <3

@coda Aww, super cute. <3

@Goldkin Beautiful. <3

@Veladynee *hugs tight* >.<

@Felthry *hugs tight* >.<

Felt like absolute trash the last couple days, and I really don't know why. Slept like 16 hours last night, and a lot the night before and I do not know what's happening to me at the moment. >.<

@dhivael@dragon.style Oh, doh, you're right. I must have been looking at the T490s rather than T490. That one, like the X-series nowadays seems to have that dongle.

@dhivael@dragon.style Was looking at the P43, as that might do what I need.

@dhivael@dragon.style I use an X220 at home and love it, but the new generations seem to have done away with the built in RJ45 port. Require a stupid dongle. :(

@Felthry Not a UK people, but yes it is.

@Felthry No, unfortunately. Can go the other way, but not to DP. Especially since I want to use DP's multi-streaming to drive multiple monitors via one cable. (I have a kvm before dual monitors.)

Thinking about a new work laptop and I can pretty much choose what I want. Any recs? Thinking 14-15", Ethernet and Displayport (can be usb-c at mode) a must.