Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

@frost the C part of the OCDis compulsion. Someone with OCD isn’t obsessing about whatever it is because they’re just worried, they’re dead sure if X arbitrarily thing doesn’t get done or watched disaster is bound to happen. Even if they know it makes no sense. It’s sort of like when you double-triple check that you turned off the oven or lights before leaving only feeling worse about it. It’s NOT harmless to folks saddled with it.

Lucille Ball in the Sky with Diamonds

Conan the Conked Out, an epic tale of napping in the Hyperborean Age. It is I, his chronicler, who alone can tell thee of his slumbers!

for whatever reason the police were banging on a different door in my apartment complex, they apparently got the dude out at gunpoint and they're gone now, but that was a little upsetting.

also guess who carefully put their WtA character in the back of a sketchbook, figuring that way they wouldn't lose the sketchbook, and now can't find which sketchbook before Sunday's game?

something social media reveals which I would otherwise be blissfully unaware of before is how frequently and deeply we all HATE each other

okay, don't scream at my allies

gotta remember this stuff is basically there to crush anyone and everyone, and if I feel crushed, I'm just having an understandable response unrelated to my actual worth as a person and as an employee.

sure why not "One Hundred Years" is a perfect follow up to "Doing the Unstuck" or is that the other way around

lest you were wondering, while in high school I ALSO read everything Anne McCaffery wrote, and came away REALLY WANTING to be Mnementh or Canth from Pern. Not F'lar or F'nor.

AWIOCH! Bwood and souws for my word Awioch!

STOWMBWINGUH, aid me now! Know ye that I am Elwic! ELWIC!

what have I done

I've killed da wabbit

poor widdle bunny

poor widdle wabbit

you know what would make this Blue Oyster Cult song about Elric EVEN BETTER? Wee... I mean, playing D&D.

I'm about as sharp as a bowling ball
but they like me more than Charles de Gaulle
entrez-nous, it's very true,
the room temperature is higher than my IQ,
but they like me more than Gerard Diepardieu!

It would be a LOT better for everyone, me especially, if today was the day I encountered an 18 wheeler with shitty brakes or a blood clot loose in brain or heart. But we aren't that lucky and I'll try to push on as best possible.

Honestly I'm probably dealing with depression.

WARNING, JAMES HORNER MINOR KEY HORN LEITMOTIF ENGAGED. WARNING, JAMES HORNER MINOR KEY HORN LEITMOTIF ENGAGED. ALL PERSONNEL ARE ADVISED TO CLEAR THE AREA. WARNING.

Right now I have;

* job loss, cost of living etc telling me that my survival hinges on someone who doesn't and can't really know me deciding that I am a valuable, worthwhile person

* my connection to my parents which is rooted in being what they consider valuable and good, rather than any informed idea of who I actually am

* political stuff which heavily implies that all people like me are monsters playing on easy mode who should be exterminated without regret

All of these really call out my childhood thinking in which I wanted to be the best in every possible respect so I could be considered worthwhile enough to be safe, and where I felt goals would always be moved to ensure that I could be safely dismissed as worthless and bad and therefore punishable.

@tsargoth Kinda interested but unsure about some stuff. How soon would you need an answer?

Something I never expected as part of gaining greater self worth; viewing myself as a stupid, inept, ugly, unlikable, worthless failure was a coping mechanism, not a fun one. As I step beyond it, I find myself running into places where it would help me cope, but no longer does. Even when I fall back into self hate, it's like how someone might wind up smoking, drinking or caffeine again after quitting, for a little bit rather than a complete return to old habits. Either way I still have to figure out how to confront what's getting to me.