green except too damn hot @green@awoo.space
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pronouns: they/them
location: Seattle
phenotype: dracosaur
alignment: chaotic well-intentioned
...
aka Sprackraptor, Rasha, elynne, Yahvahzensil, & etc.
40-something ace/aro
an identity under construction in a badly-fitting human suit.
~follows welcome; followbacks not guaranteed~
Joined Jun 2017
depression, suicide, Medium article link
this is why I always, *always* say my depression is "in remission." it's still *there*. I can still feel the shape of it, lurking in my brain. my anti-depression moveset has evolved, I've gotten very good at fighting it off. I've retrained my brain, rewired my thought patterns, developed a strong suite of robust responses when I feel the poison touch my veins.
the rabbit has to be lucky every time. the fox only has to be lucky once.
depression, suicide, Medium article link
yes, this. yes, all of this. https://medium.com/@mykola/you-probably-dont-understand-depression-bd23f0e95e7
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thoughts on life
Life is ephemeral. "This Too Shall Pass" holds true of every situation you experience: we all go to the same place.
I think that because it's so temporary, we have to fight for it to be as good as we can make it. You are important by virtue of being here, and even if you move on from the world, you are still important.
This too shall pass. We will grow and honor Natalie's memory.
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You are not alone
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some thoughts on depression and suicide
Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem.
Depression, especially for folks in the LGBT+ community, is a battle not just against yourself, but against society and the things that cause it.
It's so important to fight for yourself, but sometimes all you can do is fight *yourself* to stay alive. And sometimes you lose.
It's okay if that's how you have to go. It can be an act of reclamation vs society. But if you do, you'll be missed.
to me, snow is a blessing and a benediction. it's the gentle touch of Gaia, reminding the world that all things pass, and all things come around again. that She is here, holding us all in this blue-green cradle. to take a moment to be quiet, to look and listen, to slow down, just for a little while.
I know, I'm boosting a lot. there's so many good things being said, so much good thoughts, so much caring.
this is hard, and it hurts. please know you are not alone. if you're reading this, I care.
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Like this post if you want to join the hug, share it to invite a friend.
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Purgative (CW: Suicide Discussion)
Please remember, everyone's response to tragedy will be different.
My roommate Allie Groothof committed suicide in my living room in 2006 at the very tail end of The Bad. It took me two days to decide that a locked door and not having seen her was enough to justify risking violating her privacy to check on her. The cops who responded to the 911 call wanted to know why the character she'd been RPing online wore the same bracelet she had on.
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Just a reminder to admins, if you want to note your remembrance of Natalie and your use of x-clacks-overhead head here https://xclacksoverhead.org/listing/the-signal
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We're observing a period of silence in honor of Natalie Nguyen. We'll be back next week.
She is not dead while her name is still spoken.
GNU Natalie Nguyen
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This is more a note to me than any kind of critique.
If you love someone, tell them. If you like them, say it. Tell them you care. Tell them they're cool or smart, or funny.Don't just sit on those good feelings.
There are a lot of people in the world who without a moment's thought spread hate, loathing, contempt, and destruction.
But so often we are quiet and reserved about our affection, as if it were embarrassing.
So, please, "If you feel something, say something."
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maple classic™ 
do whatever you need to do to cope
take a day or more of silence, distract yourself with mundane things, look at pictures of cute animals, tell jokes, watch science videos, shitpost (but be respectful about it), play video games
but don't think you're undeserving of comfort right now.
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The good news is if I died, you'd know. A couple people know me IRL and use masto.
That's sort of comforting in a way, a source of comfort a lot of people don't have. I know, it's weird to refer to that as "comfort" but one of my biggest fears is disappearing and people worrying about me. It brings closure.
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for those wondering about the X Clacks Overhead thing, since I Had to look it up too,
http://www.gnuterrypratchett.com/
Her name is Natalie Nguyen. She was, and is loved. She existed. She mattered. She is gone, and missed, but not forgotten.
personal suicidal experiences
I'm not now, hopefully never will be again, but I was, very, for a long time. the *only reason* I never made a solid attempt was that I was afraid of "failing," and of pain.
I once... set a date. got supplies, planned it out, was just--biding time. but then I overheard a conversation in a diner, and for some reason that stopped me.
a few months later I met Spouse, like the sun rising in my life.
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If this is your first major experience with grief, it's normal to feel angry for a while.
Lashing out against others is a normal response. Try to remember that it's not their fault, and they're going through the same thing.
Be understanding of others who are angry.
it's snowing. here. right now. flakes falling down past my window.
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I'm not a boundless fount of emotional spoons, I get overwhelmed and burned out too, but I have everything I need - all the support and resources.
If YOU need someone, I'm always here, and will always listen, take a walk, get a drink, anything.
HMU.
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did you have anything to eat? drink? had your coffee yet? any meds you need to take?
take deep breaths, and don't forget to take care of your body right now.
---
pronouns: they/them
location: Seattle
phenotype: dracosaur
alignment: chaotic well-intentioned
...
aka Sprackraptor, Rasha, elynne, Yahvahzensil, & etc.
40-something ace/aro
an identity under construction in a badly-fitting human suit.
~follows welcome; followbacks not guaranteed~
Joined Jun 2017
