Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

my day so far: reading about roger stone actively advocating for martial law, arguing with peg because she didn't know how to handle my panic, getting bit by kitten and spending morning at urgent care, followed by big teary conversation with mom about politics and lost trust with her

can i please just die already

@Phorm Thankfully it only saturates his fur... so far. O.o;

@001zlnv Quite possibly. :O

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Headcanon about "our" cats:

- Shadow is silent partner in every linen, jukebox, and shipping company in New Orleans
- Sugarfoot has quantum tunneled to a bridge in Paramus, New Jersey, near her second home
- Shemp and Arthur are in a torrid love triangle over the Jingly Man
- Arthur miraculously emerged from Shadow's womb with full awareness that she is a cat.
- Shemp still struggles with his own felinity, at the synaptic level, every day
- Shadow's archenemy is a polydactyl who knows 7-Finger Exploding Pawb Style.
- Peebles texts me INCESSANTLY just to say "mew mew mew" and I should never have given him my number.
- Penumbra innately secretes Vantablack.
- Umbra has a little sword and human-boy hoodie
- Curly Joe has no traits whatsoever. Get it together CJ. 😾​

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@anthracite ONLY ARTAMISS DETSROY ALL HISTROW?

@zx3 Huh.

This is a good troll. I wonder if I could pass it off on some QAnon types as proof that THE ONE WORLDERS EVEN WANT TO MAKE US CHANGE OUR SACRED DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM.

https://ddc.typepad.com/025431/2013/04/dewey-embraces-its-international-nature-drops-decimal-point.html#:~:text=The%20DDC%20is%20a%20classification,them%20not%20being%20English%2Dspeaking.

#TheImaginaryIsFakeNumberNews

Watching old episodes of Not Necessarily The News on Youtube. For those of you who aren't familiar, it was a faux-news satire from the early 1980s on HBO.

The humor is kinda dated and obvious in retrospect, but I still recommend it highly... because of how FAMILIAR it all is. Right down to people wondering out loud "is fuckin' NOBODY gonna call Ronnie out on blatantly lying us" and the POTUS making laughable geographical mistakes (apparently Ronnie mislocated the Panama Canal sometime in '83-84?)

In short, DON'T attempt to reload Last Known Good USA. You'll take us right back to 1776, you damn fool, and there's no reason to think they'd get it right next time either.

@Soreth @anthracite @acetone_kitten Hun, I'm from Cleveland. OUR RIVER CAUGHT FIRE. Do you really think you have the capacity to surprise me here? Hell, I'm looking forward to hearing something finally took out the zebra mussels. 🤷​

nobody wang chung tonight :(

My name is Rezeya Montecore-Saint-Hobbes, tiger millionaire. I own*** a planet** and a space yacht*.

* currently at the bottom of Lake Michigan; mistakes were made; i blame @anthracite and @acetone_kitten

**Mars; not currently at the bottom of Lake MIchigan

***disputed

@KinkyTurtle Got a link by any chance, I'm curious.

@kelseyhusky Ouch, I felt that. :O Hope it stops hurtin' soon! <3

Also, I would watch a game show called "The Meat Is Weak."

@Austin_Dern Oh we're quite aware those cats don't live here. Our STANDARD GREETING is "Hey! You don't live here!" :D

@woozle I grinned when I first glanced at this but when I realized the kids were JOINING IN, I beamed. :D

I ended up giving Toto's 99 the same 0.25x speed treatment and it was terribawesome. Did exactly what it said on the tin.

so this must be pretty good stuff because this is my FIFTH failed attempt to play that zappa track at 1/4 speed again -- i keep ending up wait what am i doing on mastodon @__@