Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

@xinjinmeng Who's your favorite in the "achieve sapience and take over for the goddamn idiot humans" derby? ​​​​🦑​🐐​🐘​🐀​

@balinares They don't pull those out for any ordinary mortal, just for someone extraordinary like a dragon, or an exceptionally nice person (or both). <3

today's reading from the gospel according to st. hobbes

Fuck it, i'm granting Matt Berry and all his characters full Martian citizenship. i can't think of a single one that wouldn't fit right in with the Imperial* court.🐯​

OK, well, except for the one from the IT Crowd. He is barred. And Matt from Snuff Box. But his Uncle Charles is straight in. And Dr. Lucien Sanchez. And the Butt Witch.

Huh. Uncle Charles from Snuff Box would make an AMAZING Martian Tiger. I should get to work on that.

@xinjinmeng (And yes, but WHAT OF THE MYANMAR AFFAIR?!?!)

@xinjinmeng Fantastico!

@zx3 <3 <3 <3

@zx3 I wish you'd asked sooner. I would have put a roast on. <3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQPCDY_BGME

@JulieSqveakaroo @Phorm

...

...

...

*slow clap*

*rises to feet*

*standing ovation*

@JulieSqveakaroo @Phorm Pints o' cream! Pork cylinders! Potato grids! Artificial bacon! Large macs!

@Phorm "That's right, Phorm! Isn't science fun? And now, if we just hook this bottle of liquid nitrogen up to *your* bottle, we see a very interesting phenomenon occur! You see, the chocolate ghosts can't see and hear like we can! But they can sense cold, which is how they feed! Isn't that interesting, Phorm? Phorm...? Phorm? You OK in there, Phorm? Would you like some sprinkles?"

@JulieSqveakaroo @Phorm mission accomplished 🦅​

@Phorm Like, say, a Klondike Bar or a (cough) Inuit Pie? Brace yourself for wonderment, my dear: That is a chocolate ghost! It seeks out ice cream and "possesses" it, if you will, as a benign host until its earthly business is completed.

@monsterblue Not directly! I was thinking more of an embryonic form of chocolate, like a "ripple" in ice cream*, and a pupal form like, say, those crispy little chocolate (or pseudo-chocolate) flecks you often find in , say, mint chocolate chip instead of actual chips.

* as opposed to, say, a tesseract in ice cream, which is very expensive and usually not seen outside of Vermont

the life stages of chocolate are as follows:

the ripple
the flake
the minichip
the chip
the chunk
the chonk
the chungus

beyond "chungus," metric suffixes are recommended, as in the Kilochungus that dominated the landscape of Hershey, PA from the date of the Great Cacao Event of 1903 until its melting and containment by the EPA in 1987

@JulieSqveakaroo @Phorm I can vouch for this one, had one briefly in the arcade at my hometown mall!

@Phorm Yeah, the game he's describing sounds AMAZING, it's just clearly not Cube Quest. :>

But yeah, I really have a soft spot in my heart for Ken Nordine. Used to listen to his Word Jazz stuff on NPR. And he did one of the few songs that can 100% consistently make me cry, in part because it always reminds me of @anthracite...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WusDZdaQAs

@Phorm There's never anything unsettling about Ken Nordine. That is my #1 favorite human voice narrating that. <3

headcanon: plushies are immune to the tommy westphall effect

if you have to cross over between fictional universes always send a plush friend first to test it out

unless you WANT to end up all metafictional inside a snowglobe

buddy

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

@Austin_Dern To be fair, there's not much payoff for remembering Young Einstein.