Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

@zx3 @JulieSqveakaroo @balinares Have all y'all seen Ghost Dog: Way of the Samurai? That film and all its references to the Passing Of An Age has been setting very heavily with me lately. It's been a lot of comfort.

@balinares And I can't even read logs. Far too painful for far too many reasons, lost friends being one of the most prominence. (That plus the fact that me circa 2005 comes across as so CRINGE -____- )

@balinares It definitely came as a shock to me. I've peeked at some of my old follower lists from LJ accounts recently and... yeah. Lost track of so many people I swore I'd never lose track of. We got blasted by cultural change we could never have seen coming and we're still picking up the pieces. *hug*

It especially blows my mind that something as seemingly simple as "a queer-friendly freeform text RP scene" would turn out to be so damn hard to preserve. Especially NOW where i meet people every freakin' day on Birdsite that would have fit in perfectly.

@JulieSqveakaroo Maynard was the best Bad Influence. <3 You could tell the writers were secretly rooting for him, same way you could tell Nathaniel Hawthorne was secretly rooting for the pagans...

@JulieSqveakaroo Yeah, I have vague memories of an "in the army" season. I'm actually kinda eager to watch the show's failures, too, so I'm excited. XD

@arilin While I'm not necessarily *calling* nor *asking* for "Lovecrafting" to start meaning "cringingly, pathetically, neurotically racist," I have to admit I'd find it really funny and well-deserved. XD

holy fuck i found the first four seasons of dobie gillis on the torrents

this is actually kind of a holy grail for me-- it's a gold mine of lost 50s culture, not to mention a trope mother for scooby doo and a ton of other "four kids and a mascot" shows. it's even-- modestly and very timidly-- countercultural in places.

also if you don't feel anything at all for zelda gilroy then you probably don't feel anything at all for velma dinkley and while i wouldn't say i don't want to know you, i don't think i will ever truly understand anyone who doesn't have it at least a little for velma

@balinares When this is all over, I really want as many of us who will still speak to each other to get together, somehow somewhere, and basically have our own Big Chill/Return of the Secaucus 7* moment.

(*two very similar films about a bunch of ex-hippies reuniting in middle age and taking stock of their lives)

@balinares Yeah. *hug* Yeah.

@hystericempress Yeah we were amused by NFTs enough to ponder them as a shot-in-the-dark income source for Peggy, until precisely the moment we realized their solution to the energy-consumption problem was "As soon as there is one, we're gonna implement it for sure! ^_________^ " Fuck, no. The whole thing reeks of tulip panic anyhow and if there's no way to ethically scam it without pissing out carbon, it's not worth it.

@Leucrotta Yeah, I do try to factor somewhat for "stressed out people don't think laterally very well." What frustrates me is when they have time to think it through and STILL double down on it-- when you find out "Oops, no, that wasn't casual BS hyperbole, you actually believe this is literally fucking true and reality really is that simple. YIKES."

@001zlnv I mean, that's basically ME, and some of these people should even KNOW that. -__-

Let me put a fine point on it: if you literally can no longer imagine a SINGLE decent person coming out of a hated out-group -- not one person who is questioning that ideology, had it forced on them, and are wrapped up in its social circles for reasons beyond our control -- you are the fucking problem and I have ideological commitments far beyond leftist politics that require me to dislike you intensely.

And I don't have anyone in mind here -- it was _mostly_ a Twitter thing that triggered this -- but I am increasingly willing to set friendships on fire over this fanatical shit. -___-

Although there *are* three or four conversations recently where somebody was solemnly lecturing about something that totally contradicts my experiecne, and the only reason I took a dive is that I just didn't have the fucking energy. And maybe it's time to start finding that energy.

no seriously, i am really starting to feel the same malaise with my fellow leftists and their willingness to drastically oversimplify reality to fit their ideology that i did towards christians just before i bailed out on them

the difference here is i don't have anything to bail to

i wish i could go to the politics gods and say "yes, are you looking for any beta testers"

i am so fucking sick of simple answers and convenient dogma

I had a post.

All that's left is "god fucking damn you people."

It's weird. Since I went off my meds, my mood issues have been Whoops All Anxiety! As in... little or no depression.

I _like_ me for the most part, despite a lingering "Bojack Lite" undercurrent of regret, for all the people I've accidentally hurt. I am the least suicidal I've been in my adult life. I would fight tooth and nail to keep all this.

I just can't stop thinking about losing it all, everything from my eyesight (there are some valid reasons *sigh*) to those beautiful, sweet cats. And my parents. Am I just at a lossy point in my life-- one with something substantial to lose, finally-- or what?

I've got plans. I've even got Goddamn Furry Plans, which are the best kind of unwise plan. I will probably also do conventional therapy once COVID is sorted and it's less emotionally costly to go to a clinic.

But yeah, it's all kinda hitting me hard right now... and yet is still far, far closer to manageable than I expected. The payback in emotional vividness, creative urges, libido, and general *weirdness* glimmering back in here is still worth it. I really needed this break, and i needed to watch the wheels spin unobstructed for a while.

This would still be so much easier if this were a legal cannabis state. >___<

@JulieSqveakaroo @001zlnv Listen, roo, I know you like craft beers, but that's NOT a good flavor idea! (Says the person who eagerly bought and drank fish-food beer, and was mostly disappointed it didn't taste more like fish food...)

Oh. Oh, you mean Scientology. Yeah, no, they could definitely get much worse. I'm just not sure they need these other guys' help. :D

@001zlnv I mean, you add a teaspoon of beer to a barrel of sewage, you get sewage; you add a teaspoon of sewage to a barrel of beer, you get sewage. It's not like Scientology could get any worse. :)

@JulieSqveakaroo Well, crud! Hope the crud is at least minor and routine, keep us posted!

I just filled out a form for an extremely scammy and hilariously macho $12,000 "personal development" course being run by two ex-military goons.

I gave my contact info as the Boston Scientology office. I also left a message for them, expressing interest in Scientology under the name of one of said goons.

If the gods are willing, and I am very lucky, there's going to be a very interesting conversation tomorrow that I really, really wish I could overhear.

St. Calvin, I give this humble offering in your name. Hail Eris.