Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

@anthracite Maybe do that plot review and help me fix stuff? <3

@001zlnv

*sigh*

@Phorm this was uncannily true to the genre btw

@woozle Um.. have you googled his name yet?

It's... rewarding. Tells you basically everything you need to know.

@woozle Wow, this kid broke bad.

Yay, 3rd ear infection in 2 months.

Hating life right now TBH. >_< Gonna be low-energy and low-whimsy for a while.

(S E A S O N 8 S P O I L E R :

F R Y H A S S E C R E T L Y B E E N Y A N C Y J R . A L L A L O N G)

What, you're not looking forward to the Dark Reimagining that's coming to Netflix in 3022? It's great, it's going to bigger than the new Riverdale, the new Powerpuffs, and the new Teletubbies combined!

Leela's seven feet tall and eats lizards! Fry has a gun! Zoidberg's got a mohawk and his hormones work right! Washbucket is a lead character and she's human! Seymour's fine... and he's a rottweiler! The trailer has a slowed-down sadcore cover of "Walking On Sunshine!"

@KinkyTurtle Note that I am also "Licks An Ion Zebra."

I just got really stoned, cold slid into the premiere of an Omega Mart ad on Youtube, and started spamming improvisational cyphertext for an (as yet) wholly non-existent ARG into the chat.

That was fun. I haven't felt this much like *me* in ages. :D I figure there's a 99.998% chance everybody quite understandably shrugged it off and nobody will look for meaning in the "random" I Ching glyphs I was using to spell out "DRINK THE ORANGE PRODUCT." 😇​

It's cadet-level Operation Mindfuck stuff at best, nothing I delude myself is clever or meaningful. But it was still really fun to do SOMETHING, ANYTHING interesting in what was frankly an infinite-noise zero-signal context before that. (One user was literally just saying "simp" over and over...) It didn't take up much space, nor time, nor distract anyone from anything enjoyable.

And on that 0.002% chance I wake up tomorrow and Reddit's full of "OH MY GOD IS OMEGA MART DOING AN ARG I'M SO EXCITED," hey, I've got my resume prepared... 🐯​

three totally unrelated social media threads this morning have involved fish and dammit it how much of this is a tigress supposed to take

feed me

I just realized my real name anagrams to "Zen in a brick," and I am disproportionately happy about this. That's a pretty good summary of my social goals.

@hystericempress https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDmjnOOV0BY

@anthracite Ain't your fault, no partner can fulfill EVERY emotional need, and you are extremely good at being a weird magic lizard friend. <3

@Verdigris I have succeeded before! But I've also failed MISERABLY and gotten a guy who diagnosed me with MPD after one session bbbbbasically because I was a queer roleplayer and trusted him way more with my imaginative life than I should have.

We'll see! My two therapists who were good were absolutely *lovely* people. I don't think that they pulled off any long-term fixes, but they were certainly a relief to chat with.

And thank you. <3

@Soreth Well, the good news is that 2 out of 4 of my therapists have been pretty helpful, understanding people.

The bad news is that one of those four snap-diagnosed me with "pathological narcissism" based on ONE session and the fact I did a lot of roleplaying and said I worried what other people thought of me.

I'm a lot of shitty things, but I think the record shows I'm quite capable of doing things a narcissist isn't-- like say "I'm sorry, you were right," accept flaws in myself, and fretting myself absolutely crazy about my friends' well-being.

But that bastard still made me question whether I was nothing but a manipulative piece of shit for, like, six months.

And one of the two *good* therapists was also Keet's therapist and Orrery was paying for her. And I stopped seeing her because Kristy was paying for it and... it was a big traumatic and humiliating THING.

So yeah. I've got some fears to get over. But I think I'm ready. After Orrery, gods bless 'em, I needed a year or two with NOBODY WITH THEIR FINGERS STUCK IN MY HEAD, but I think I can trust someone to start digging around in there with tools again. Maybe. Gotta be done, 'cause my brain is clearly not letting go of this until I've had SOME kind of moral trial and closure...

Anyhow. Thanks for giving me the excuse to talk this stuff out, sis. <3 <3 <3

@mawr I accidentally left this video looping in the background without realizing it and it was DRIVING ME BATSHIT, and it felt absolutely WONDERFUL to figure it out and pause it, so thank you for that positive experience. *giggle* :D <3

@frameacloud This is actually a huge relief because I still had a not-really-informed half-notion in my head that, say, Peg was gonna have a short lifespan... purely because of something a trans friend blurted about HRT wrecking people's livers. I never followed up on it or really questioned it, just assumed it was one of the "deal with it when we come to it" sort of things...

I've gotten to the point where I don't really recognize my work personality from my real personality or my online personality.

And I've also gotten to the point where I very distinctly like the work me better than any other me. For the first time in my life, I'm less afraid of breaking a major social norm or embarrassing myself at work than I am... say... here. Or at a con.

And that scares the fuck out of me.

It's quite clear by now that I've never really healed from the guilt and damage left over from Transliminal Station exploding. The pariah feels are still horrible, and still consistently keeping me from reaching out.

I've been using the lockdown as an excuse to put off therapy, but it's probably the only thing left to do.

Meh. Not looking forward to opening The Pain Vaults to a stranger.