Zeta Syanthis @zetasyanthis@awoo.space

@Verdigris If you care enough to message, you count as a friend in my book. And I'm working on it. Therapy tonight helped a lot, as does the fact that you care. Thank you. <3

@faynefluff *hugs tight* >.<

@deskitty So, so true. Know it's a difference space, but I basically throw my hands up by the time it hits updating libc. That's 'okay, build images off a new distribution release' time. :P

@Leucrotta *hugs tight* Yep, mess in aisle 11. That's me. >.<

@amdusias@snouts.online That's legitimately impressive.

@Veladynee *hugs super tight then* I'm working on getting better at it. You can too. (But it's awful in the meantime. >.<)

@Felthry @mawr @CoronaCoreanici Got those too, but they feel less mad-sciencey. :P

@Felthry *hugs* Thank you. >.< Just had to let the moment pass.

@kelseyhusky *hugs TIGHT*

@Felthry @mawr @CoronaCoreanici I love it when they say that. I own both a soldering iron and a dremel, so it's really a challenge at that point. :P

@Veladynee *hugs* Thank you for the offer. Did have someone else keeping me sane, and tbh, mostly just needed to sit and let it pass. <3

@Felthry @mawr @CoronaCoreanici Interesting... I'd not seen that before.

@CoronaCoreanici I have re-enabled mine now though. Hopefully working from home will make me more apt to listening to them.

@CoronaCoreanici They do if you don't end up ignoring them fairly quickly. :/

So, the cycle I seem to keep hitting is this:

1. Mess up on meds at some point. (I just forget doses sometimes.)
2. My anxiety crashes get extra bad, because unstable meds.
3. Unable to work / deal with life in general.
4. Feel terrible that useless and never good enough and obsessively worry that my boss isn't /really/ telling me what he thinks (that I'm a terrible employee and am going to end up fired).
5. Crash hard enough from #2-4, esp resulting overwork from #4 that I mess up my sleep schedule and end up missing medication doses.

I at least know the problem, but stabilizing and getting out of this loop long term is brutally difficult.

Little more stable at the moment, going to try to nap. Will respond individually later, but thank you all so much for reaching out. >.<

I seriously want to stop right now. Just... not be. I'm hurting too much, I'm crying too much, and I wish I could be just a little less broken, and that day never really comes. >.<