Nighteyes and Ocean are in the front seat, talking about past submissions. I'm so unused to short story stuff; after three novels, I'm more accustomed longer-form work, with all the pitfalls that come with it. I'm out of my element. I have to believe I'm not out of my league.

Now passing "Fugu Lounge: Sushi and Sports Bar."

Welcome to California.

A brief stop at In-n-Out, and we're back on the road. Ninety-six miles to South Lake Tahoe. This is happening. I'm excited, if nervous. Still feeling like I'm a little outclassed. Still going to do this.

Out here, you can see where the sky touches the land. Seven-thousand feet up, it's easy to feel like everything is down from here. This isn't the highest, but it's pretty high. High enough.

https://awoo.space/media/yoa0KFBdouV2568U2VU

We arrived at the retreat hours ago, but we've been busy since we arrived. A brief introduction from Alkani, then several hours of philosophy with John Otter. We ordered pizza, then recorded an episode of Fangs and Fonts.

Tomorrow, the first lecture, the first assignment, and a six-thousand word story to produce, plus up to 12,000 words of reading and critiquing. This is going to be _intense_ if nothing else.

Alkani called it a crucible. I've tempered before. I'm ready.

Tomorrow, the work continues. Tonight, we sleep. (CW: bare shoulders, exposed collar)

https://awoo.space/media/2_RqZARC2nbdwCDirv0

I paid for the king bedroom on the retreat, so I have a solo room at the top of the stairs. Great for filling the space with sound and isolation, with one tiny challenge: an east-facing bay window with a balcony. The balcony is lovely. 06h30 is earlier than I'm used to being woken by the sun.

Crucible. Woken by the sun. I could read all kinds of things into this, but they'd be projecting. Then again, synchronicities. A reminder to look at the rest of my syncretisms at some point.

Coffee with almond milk. First philosophical argument before breakfast. I suspect this will be a pattern. Frittata, then writing.

The story to be written at RAWR is coming together. For those who know about the Second Life Rabbits, you'll know the inspiration. Tihs one hit me like a hammerblow while I was standing at the Safeway talking with @mawr.

Sometimes you have to go into the places that hurt to find the things that need to be said.

Crucible.

1036 words down. This is going to hurt.

"I tried to do it, and I couldn't."

Lunch with Kyell and Ryan. That went oddly; topics of conversation got intense in ways nobody was expecting. It's day two. It's going to get tighter before it relaxes. That's the way of it.

The first lesson on critiques was eerily refreshing. Mostly, I keep forgetting to code-switch my knowledge, and I keep forgetting what I know. Easy to do that.

The first stories are up for review. Eighteen-thousand words to read tonight, four-thousand to write by tomorrow.

What I'm learning, as much as anything, is that I really do know what I think I know, that my knowledge isn't invalid, just untested. Theories are right, but lacking in practice. This will be practice. Lots of it. I can live with that.

Critiques of phase one stories are done. Outline is confirmed Ouch Fuck Why. There's a few things to add to it, but it's ready to go. Time to write. Names must be changed to protect the innocent, but I'm proud of the emotional arc of this one.

Smash capitalism.

2323 words tonight. This one fucking hurts. It hurts because it cuts deep and slow. It hurts because the outline uses my kids' names to capture the emotional states I'm trying to reproduce. It hurts because I'm revisiting Irokai after eight years. It hurts because it needs to be written.

06h30 again. The custard I prepped last night and the stale croissants we all left became French toast this morning with a side of scrambled eggs. Three cups of coffee so far, and my eyes are vibrating. We've had our first round of tearing each others' stories apart. It felt surprisingly refreshing, being able to embrace the critique.

The official critiques haven't happened yet, but they will. First lecture: confidence and creativity.

18h30. Second submission for the retreat is finished at 5585 words. I baked pork-and-zucchini enchiladas as a reward for my efforts, and now I'm relaxing before heading up to my room to critique three stories. Eighteen-thousand words to read and eighteen-hundred more to write. Then I'm done until the next round of stories show up, which... will feel very weird. I'm ahead of schedule.

This hurt in a very good way.

And for those who'll recognize him, Jules shows up in this one. I finally got to do something with him again. That feels _so_ good.

00h16. Stories read, critiques submitted. Six hours of sleep before Apollo comes knocking. Exhausted but weirdly empowered. I feel like I'm doing really well, personally. The group is gelling well, even in the weird ways in which it isn't. We're all cognizant of the outliers and working around them. I think this is a really good class, and a good group, and I hope we continue to work well as a unit.

This has been really good for me, and I'm glad I came. I miss mai poni.

About the only real weirdness is that Ryan Campbell is one of the instructors, and he and I had to have a superquick level-set of "we'd love to be friendly but we're teacher/student here." We've been friends for fifteen-plus years, we've got a really lasting friendship, and we've both agreed we have to put that all aside so we can avoid any appearance of favoritism. Great to be on the same page. Sad, no chance of canoodling with the teacher for a better grade.

... I would not canoodle for a better grade. I would enjoy canoodling in general. There's been a lot of talk about canoodling here. The punch went over really well -- only halfway through the event and it's almost gone. Folks said iked my enchiladas, and tomorrow I'm cooking alfredo!

It's like I turned into a social creature at some point. This is really weird.

13h30, and I'm in a weird situation. I've done all my reviews for round one, I've submitted my story for round two, and I haven't gotten anybody else's critiques for round two yet. I could work on editing my existing story, but I've got a review session with Kyell in half an hour and I don't want to be heads-down in the middle of development when he shows up.

I... have free time? This is strange.

@literorrery Everyone there is outclassed by each other. That's why you're gathering to share amongst and improve together, yes? Collaboration is magic. *grin*

@literorrery hmm.. so... What is RAWR?

@Oneironott Surprisingly hard to find info on! But it's out there. http://www.rawr.community/

@Oneironott The Regional Anthropomorphics Writing Retreat (http://www.rawr.community/). Furry small-group critique hosted by Kyell Gold and Ryan Campbell.

@literorrery oh!!!!! Aaahh!!! Enjoy!

@literorrery you are so cuuute aaaaaaaaa

@literorrery *hugs* >..<

@literorrery The 'boot camp' is an interesting method to clear blocks and force change. If it doesn't mesh with you at this time, it is perhaps useful to consider that it is not the only method available. That said, I hope the experience is enriching.

@literorrery ....I didn't do it. :-P

@literorrery *offers many hugs for you*

@literorrery You're actually cooking for folks? That's pretty awesome. :-)

@literorrery *Cheering for you from the sidelines* :D

@literorrery Oh, awesome. I miss him.

@literorrery It's easier to be a social creature when you're around Your People. :-)