Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

@JulieSqveakaroo Aww, geez...</nelson_muntz> *blush*

<3

https://boingboing.net/2021/07/20/so-i-finally-watched-bill-and-teds-moderately-enjoyable-adventure.html

I feel like Jason Weisberger not liking Bill and Ted 3 is the final accolade that this joyful little fracas of a film deserved.

Everybody knows it was made under the worst of circumstances, and I could have sworn everybody just kinda understood we were gonna grade it on a curve.

Leave it to Boingboing, the countercultural equivalent of a 4th quarter fumble.

I love y'all. This place has really felt like my last real Internet home and I'm glad you're all here. Can't and don't say it often enough.

So anyway. Moment of silence. Anna, it sounds like you could have taught me something. Maybe someone like you could help me find my way back someday. I hope... I hope you're somewhere, and it's infinitely weirder and kinder than this place. I'm sorry I only got to see you from a distance. It sounds like we were at least trying to play for the same team.

There was this moment at Transliminal when there'd just been a big party and I got absolutely bathed in affection and we had a great conversation about all these big ideas, some of which were MY ideas and I just remember thinking, "Now. Now would be the perfect time. Just take me now, before I fuck all this up, and let everyone remember me like this, before they figure out the truth about you, that you're NOT trans and you're NOT kind and you're NOT a genius..."

And... yeah.

Yeah.

I didn't know Oannablue, which makes me even more afraid this is going to come off as self-centered. Mostly, I'm just fucking angry all over again that they're lost and had to suffer, because it sounds like they were very good, and it all reminds me of my late brother Matt, who was also very good. Fuck cancer.

But all this love they're getting, I presume very rightly, is reminding me of how much I wanted to basically *be* them, the genderbendy wonder inspiring people to be weirder, who everybody loved because they were just so damn kind.

I set out sincerely wanting to be Fluttershy and wound up a Chrysalis. Just another selfish parasite and impostor, pretending to be one of the pretty perfect colorful ponies. And I got busted. And this is my fate. I'm lucky you didn't just freeze me in stone and be rid of me for good.

Between this and a well-meaning friend on Mastodon pushing the "Oh, even YOU can be trans, it's easy if you want it enough!" package on me...

Yeah. I just feel like I blew absolutely every legacy I've had and need to hide out forever from all the things i've fucked up. And I just feel like a big dumb hairy ugly lumbering guything mess.

If you've got a little love to spare for a dried-up old changeling, I could really use it today. *shakes the little coffee cup full of small-denomination hearts and tries not to let her fangs show as she smiles*

@Leucrotta I just can't do menudo-- I really respect and kinda envy you for being able to handle tripe-- but I would murder a bowl of posole right about now...

@anthracite I could have sworn I'd messaged you about that...

@JulieSqveakaroo We need to get a hotline set up for these things!

@JulieSqveakaroo That reminds me, there's one place in Detroit I REALLY wanna visit someday... https://www.dillasdelights.com/

@Leucrotta Triple major in English, History, and Asian Studies. A lot of my classes overlapped so it turned out to be an easy bureaucratic trick to pick up a 3rd major. n.n;

@Leucrotta someday when you can deal with a bout of crushing envy, remind me to tell you about the time the asian studies department at case western discovered we had a $3000 banquet budget that had gone unspent and so they took every single a.s. major to li wah's in downtown cleveland for epic dim sum... and we had two fluent cantonese speakers with us

@LeDiva haha okay the credits are not exactly subtle by the end

@LeDiva ok i can guess a lot of where this is going from the very striking opening credits and i am excited

@LeDiva but i knew something about that boy smelled edible

they worked really hard to make us not miss him

@LeDiva yup

martians seem to have an unerring instinct for when someone's gonna die

granted that's because... well... you know 🐯​

@LeDiva of course the twist is that after a while it's so surreal that it's genuinely disturbing

"WHO IS SPRING-LOADING ALL YOU FREAKING CATS?! WHERE THE HELL DO YOU COME FROM? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US?"

"Purr." "Mrow." "Mrap." "Mehr." "Prrp." "Miw."

"Oh for fuck's sake. Yes, we'll feed you all if we survive. We'll even try to find you nice homes. Looks like there isn't any actual monster here anyh--"

*fling* "MROOOOWR!"

"OH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! HOW. MANY. CAT. TRAPS. ARE. THER--"

*sproing* "Mrap."

@LeDiva semi-relatedly now i want to see a comedy-horror movie that is literally nothing but 90 minutes of spring-loaded cat jumpscares (with a happy ending for the cats of course), like the feline-horror equivalent of the Fire Ant episode of Space Ghost, or the Reno 911 that's just 22 minutes of unloading a clown car...

@LeDiva 30 seconds in i already have a mental deadpool set up on ryan

@LeDiva I think I'm gonna go for this option, 'cause I do, and 'cause this sounds good enough to be worth going in spoiler-free...