green except too damn hot @green@awoo.space

@zebratron2084 I'll keep an eye on whatever connections I have for ya, hon. ;)

@starkatt leftover pizza +500 pts

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: "IT'S DINNER!" XD

@zebratron2084 I am also looking forward to your return and eventual once-things-settle-down-ness hanging out! and sending so much hugs and best thoughts and good vibes and such. :)

@starkatt unfortunately I process the memories of real and unreal experiences the same, which is part of why my memory is such a mess. but that's true of most people too, I think--I just put less faith in the reality of my memories because I *know* there's a bunch of weird unreal stuff in there. XD

it's also been a great help in teaching myself lucid dreaming, oddly enough. ;)

@starkatt I believe that it's a manifestation of some messed-up brain chemistry that is entirely in my head, *and* that it's a link to a spiritual "second level" of reality, pretty much side by side these days. or maybe it just doesn't matter to me any more? idk. ;)

interestingly, I've had a lot of experiences with hallucinogenic drugs and never mistook those hallucinations for reality--my reality-perception is actually pretty strong!

@starkatt I think it's--something children are encouraged to do, but adults are discouraged from doing, so most people forget how. and I know from experience that it's possible to get "out of practice," so it doesn't happen as often--but it still pops up sometimes regardless. I've never felt threatened or uncomfortable about it, plus I was able to plug it into a paganism/otherkin framework fairly early, which... depending on pov I guess helped or made it worse. XD

@starkatt seeing things, hearing things--knowing they aren't real, but experiencing them as if they were--say, separated from physical reality by about five degrees; like experiencing a ghost-world of stimulus. most of it I can control, which is why I know it's not a schizophrenic *disorder*; I'm (usually) in control, it almost never disrupts my life, and I'm almost always aware that they aren't real. I have to put in those disclaimers though because *sometimes*... :P

@starkatt but it's really hard for me to deconstruct my... fantastic episodes, to tease apart whether or how much they're "dissociative," y'know? beh. /burble

@starkatt and when I think of it that way... my dissociative tendencies make *total sense*.

although--and I know you're not a psychiatrist, and this is something I'd *really* need to talk to a psych about--I've long suspected that I have very low-level schizophrenia, which as a child was termed as "an *extremely active* imagination." but it's low-level enough that it doesn't interfere in my life (any more, much), so I've never--mentioned it to a doctor. >__>

@starkatt it suddenly (like, just now) occurred to me that I keep saying "I didn't have anything particularly traumatic in my childhood, I just have a lifelong depressive disorder" and not... making that connection. I know I had the depressive disorder as a child; that would count as an *extremely* traumatic situation. just because it was inside my head doesn't mean it wasn't real and didn't fuck up my life. :/

@starkatt *earperking attention*

@starkatt NEW BOOK OMG OMG OMG is it another Ancillary? because I've been fanficcing a sequel in my head and it would be glorious to find out if I got any of it right. XD